Thursday, March 14, 2013

Quenched in Dry Places




 

Come, all you who are thirsty… Isaiah 55:1


About a month ago, I decided to do a weekly study with my 13-year-old daughter written by Women of Faith speakers about managing emotions.   I wanted some quality time with my girl.  With her recently embarking those tedious teenage years, this study seemed appropriate for both of us. Last week’s chapter was called, “The Doldrums” and addressed spiritual dryness, periods of time when we wander in the dessert.  My daughter was unfamiliar with this subject and asked me to explain to her what it means.

After describing my take on spiritual dryness, I gave her some examples in my life. Sometimes spiritual dryness takes over when I allow my apathy and the things of this world come between me and my relationship with God.  Other times, God is building my character and teaching me more about him.  That is called sanctification.  My daughter said, “It is like when you are teaching a baby to walk.  Sometimes you stand by him and hold his hand, and other times you let go to encourage the baby to take a few steps on his own.  He may stumble and fall, but you are nearby to help him back up.” 

 God has definitely communicated and worked with me in different ways through my life journey.  During some of the most difficult and heart-breaking times in my life, he lavished me with his love and power. Other times he seemed to be stepping back and allowing me to stumble through growing pains.

 

FLOODGATES OF GRACE

 In 2003, my parents were visiting from out-of-state, and they were very joyful that I was expecting my 2nd child.  My sister-in-law, Angie, offered to do an ultrasound for my parents.  I thought it would be fun to share the experience with them, so we made arrangements.  I was very excited to share this special moment with our daughter as well.  She was 4 at the time.  At the appointment, we were upbeat and laughing, however the mood turned sour as Angie told me she could not find a heartbeat.   My joy turned to panic, and my parents quickly escorted our daughter out of the room.  After doing another test, she confirmed that the baby did not show signs of life.

 Words cannot describe the shock and grief I felt in that moment.   Angie left to give my husband, Mel, and I some time to talk things over and grieve together.  I’ll never forget Mel getting down on his knees and telling me it wasn’t my fault and that no matter what he would always love me.  Then, he prayed over me.  I silently cried out to God and prayed, “God, I can’t handle this.  You have to help me through this.  I am all yours.  You can do whatever you want with me.”

 The next morning, I woke up weeping and petitioning God for guidance.  A gentle voice in my mind told me to look up the verse, Romans 5:1-5.  I confess that I had been reading the Bible at this point in my life, however I was unfamiliar with parts of the Bible, especially the epistles.  When I opened up my Bible to Romans and read what God had to say, I was overwhelmed with his presence and peace.  There is no other explanation but this had to be from God to lay such a verse on my heart at that moment.  “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Romans 5:1-5.

 All I can say is that God made true to his promise in this verse.  I was overcome with God’s love and grace through his Spirit, family members, co-workers, and people from our church.  I felt a kinship with God in my heartbreak that was supernaturally peaceful and comforting.  I had a couple excruciating weeks of carrying the unborn baby, however God was with me every step of the way.  He was with me in the emergency room when they had trouble getting the bleeding to stop.  He was with me the overnight stay in the hospital.  He was with me the days following when our family said goodbye to the life we would never know this side of heaven.  Despite my sorrow, I couldn’t get enough of God and his deep love for me.  It was like water for my thirsty soul!  Out of that grief, God built a spiritual gift of intercessory prayer for others.

 

THROUGH THE DRY VALLEY

 Since then, I have been led through times of spiritual famine and renewal, however the period of time between 2006 and 2012 seemed like the most lengthy dry spell.  Looking back, I realize God was sanctifying me through health problems and painful circumstances, and my stubborn nature was fighting him.  I was struggling with my desire to do things my way.  Then, I had what I call my Job experience in 2010, which lasted almost 2 years. 

 After forgiving others, confessing sins, and telling God multiple times that I was ready to give him control over my life, God seemed silent to my prayers.  I begged him.  I pleaded with him.  I fought to do what I thought he wanted.   I commanded the devil to leave me alone, yet God was still silent. I sensed he was there all along.  He somehow pulled me through each moment of pain and suffering.  He was always there in the nick of time, yet he was silent to my begging for healing and guidance.  Finally, I gave up fighting and told him I was OK with suffering through the pain of my illness if that was what he wanted.  I told him I was ready to listen to what he was trying to teach me.  That was the turning point in my relationship with God.

 

BESIDE STILL WATERS

 
Eventually, he started giving me more of himself in small ways during my daily Bible studies. When, I went outside last summer to putter in the garden, lay in the warm grass, and watch the birds, he was always there quietly joining me.  His peace touched me like rays of sun in gentle breezes and quiet thoughts.  Those quiet times with God gave me both pleasure and peace.  His voice steadily grew stronger as he began to reveal to me areas of my life he wanted to build on.  While in 2003, God poured his love and grace on me, this time he initiated a long painful process of unveiling a new dimension of his presence.    

 The other day, I came across a passage written by Henry Blackaby that spoke directly to the heart of this situation.  It described Blackaby’s interpretation of what Jesus might have been saying to Mary regarding her bother, Lazarus’s, death.  Mary was very distraught that Jesus waited until after Lazarus had died to come when he could have healed him beforehand.  In that moment, Mary had no idea that Jesus could conquer death:   (Jesus speaks to Mary)“If I had come, your brother would not have died.  You know that I could have healed him because you have seen Me heal many, many times.  If I had come when you asked Me to, I would have healed him.  But, you would have never known any more about Me than you already know.  I knew that you were ready for a greater revelation of Me than you have ever known in your life.  I wanted you to come to know that I am the resurrection and the life.  My refusal and My silence was not rejection.  It was an opportunity for Me to disclose to you more of Me than you have ever known.”  Henry Blackaby, Experiencing God. 

 

COME ALL WHO ARE THIRSTY

 When I start to feel down about my struggling health and everyday gripes, I am reminded of the times I have encountered God through the years and how he has been faithful in loving me in each unique way he has revealed himself to me.  I especially look back to my Job days and remember how he saw me through the dry valley and brought me to springs of hope that quenched my spiritual thirst.

If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow within him.  John 7:37-38

Friday, March 8, 2013

Letters to Heaven




Our baby would have been nine years old this March, but it wasn’t God’s plan for her to be born into our world.   In remembrance of our unborn child, my husband, Mel, and I wrote letters to the baby and put them in a helium balloon.  Our family then gathered for an emotional time of reflection and prayer near Mel’s father’s grave.  After reciting Psalm 23 and praying together, we said goodbye to the one we would never know on earth and released the balloon to heaven.  As the due date approached nine years ago, I prayed for God’s wisdom about the sex of our unborn child and asked for a name.  I needed this for closure.  In my heart, God gave me an answer, and so she is called Faith Ann.
This is the poem I wrote:

It’s a Girl!

I read my Bible to find healing
and look at a picture on my bookmark of Jesus
carrying a baby gently in his arms,
Kissing her.
It reminds me of a dream I had…
Jesus steps out in all of his glory in the kingdom of heaven,
Streets lined with gold,
Friends and family gather in eternal worship.
Jesus stands before them,
Holding a baby in his arms and announces,
“It’s a girl!”
Grandparents, aunts, uncles are filled with joy.
Angels sing in worship of God who is creator of all things,
All life.
Faith, my dear, you are blessed to be raised by angels and saints
in the divine kingdom…
To sit at the feet of Jesus and learn your first words.
Someday, we will meet and embrace
to spend eternity with our king!
Love, Mommy
March 18, 2004 (Faith’s due date)

For more about Faith's story:  http://dzehm2.blogspot.com/2017/03/faiths-legacy.html


Sunday, March 3, 2013

Migraine Headaches—Piecing the Fragments



It was a fall day in 2006. I was rushing from my job in the Twin Cities to pick up my kids from their daycare.  I wanted to run to the chiropractor before going home to make supper and do the usual household chores.  When I arrived at the daycare, I was overcome with a sharp pain in my head.   It felt like a vice was squeezing my head.  I was somewhat overwhelmed with nausea and dizziness, and my vision seemed a little fuzzy.  I thought I was just a little dehydrated, so I asked for a drink of water and loaded the kids into our SUV.   I didn’t want to be late for my appointment.  Unfortunately, I never made it there.  20 minutes later, I ended up in the emergency room with my first diagnosed migraine headache.

 WHAT ARE MIGRAINES?

 Classic migraines are typically thought of as severe headaches that become incapacitating because of excruciating pain, vision changes, and nausea/vomiting.  They can last for hours or days at a time.   The migraine sufferer may need to lay down in a dark room while coping with these strong symptoms.   Migraine symptoms are diverse and vary over a spectrum of severity.  Symptoms can include feelings of pressure, tightness, burning, vibrating, tingling, pulsating, stiffness, soreness, etc.  Migraine sufferers may experience auras of light in their field of vision, dizziness, ringing in their ears, sinus congestion, stiff neck, and sensitivity to light and/or sound.

 Migraines are considered to be vascular in nature, and they affect the blood vessels of the head.  Some doctors describe the vessels as swollen, inflamed, and/or pulsating.  Other sources suggest there is an uneven distribution of swelling and constriction of blood vessels in the head, and the migraine pain occurs as blood travels from wide spaces through narrower places in the vessels.  Some migraine sufferers describe having neurological symptoms such as vertigo/balance problems, numbness/tingling in the face, clumsiness of hands and/or legs, brain fuzziness or fog, and in some cases memory loss and/or confusion. 

WHAT CAUSES MIGRAINES?

 There is some debate about what really causes these headaches. Some people describe what is known as a “mechanism of a migraine.”  Theoretically, our bodies carry a threshold for migraine headaches.  Varying factors as well as genetic makeup will determine whether an individual has a high or low threshold.  When migraine triggers surpass the threshold, the migraine mechanism is activated.  Those who do not experience migraine headaches would theoretically have higher thresholds.  Anyone who has a headache might be experiencing a partial activation of this mechanism.  When the mechanism is fully activated, you experience a migraine. The goal would be to remove enough triggers to get below the migraine threshold.

 MIGRAINE TRIGGERS

 It is believed that various factors can trigger migraines.  I am not a doctor or an expert on migraines, however I have done some research.  These potential triggers are based on what I have learned through research and have experienced myself.  They include hormone imbalance, menstrual cycle, stress, contraceptives and other prescription medications, dental amalgams (mercury fillings), metal implants, certain foods, withdrawal from caffeine and other addictive foods/beverages, hunger, sleep depravation, too much sleep, rigorous exercise, changes in the barometric pressure, perfumes/air fresheners, chemical exposures, exposure to mold, electromagnetic frequencies, and fluorescent lights.  Certain bacterial infections, viruses, and other pathogens can also cause headaches. 

  DIETARY TRIGGERS

 Some migraine triggers are easier to manage than others.  Dietary triggers often are one of the first things that are addressed because they are easier to control than environmental and physiological factors.   Common dietary triggers include chocolate, sugar, artificial sweeteners, caffeine, carbohydrates, yeast, MSG (Monosodium Glutamate found in processed foods, soy sauce, salty foods, soups, protein powder, etc.), foods with natural glutamate (peas, corn, soy), processed meats (hot dogs, lunch meat, cured ham, etc.), alcohol, vinegar, fermented foods, nuts, some citrus fruits, and some types of cheese. 

 Over the years, I have consulted with 2 different nutritionists to discuss nutritional factors that trigger migraines.  It took me several years of half-hearted efforts and trial and error before I decided to make a serious commitment to change my eating habits.  I started by removing gluten and dairy products, and eventually went on what is called an elimination diet.  I did not have much success with the diet, as the headaches didn’t go away when I eliminated the foods on the list.  It took a lot of research and reading about various migraine prevention and holistic diets as well as testing for food sensitivities before I came up what works for me. After altering my diet, I shed a lot of weight and almost completely eliminated my asthma symptoms.  Unfortunately, the dietary changes alone were not enough to manage my migraines.  I needed to reduce more triggers.

EXPOSURE TO CHEMICALS

 As a result of bioresonance testing and adverse experiences with certain chemicals, I have discovered that I am prone to multiple chemical sensitivities.  These sensitivities have made a huge impact on my headaches, therefore my family and I decided to make several adjustments to our home environment.  We use scent-free laundry detergent, laundry balls (instead of fabric softener that is scented or fabric sheets that carry fire retardants), chemical-free cleaning supplies, limited exposure to perfumes in the house, allergy-free dish soap, etc.  My husband, who is in the construction business, is careful about what chemicals he may carry home on his clothes.  He used low-voc paint when he re-painted one of our bathrooms.  When we have to use chemicals in the house, we isolate and ventilate that area as much as possible by closing door the door, leaving a window open, and using fans when needed.  I have a special mask I can wear to reduce exposure.  I am also very careful about what personal products I use—no fragrances and as little harmful chemicals as possible.   If you suspect chemical sensitivities are triggering your headaches, I suggest paying attention to how you react around household cleaners, air fresheners, perfumes, and other common chemicals.  You can remove them from your home environment and see if it makes a difference in how you feel.

EMF’S AND FLOURESCENT LIGHTS

Electromagnetic Frequencies or EMF’s (also referred to as electro-smog) derive from the technologies that we have come to depend on:  microwaves, TV’s, computers, lap tops, iPads, cell phones, and other wireless devices.  There is new research about the negative impact these technologies have on our overall health.  I believe that they affect my headache symptoms. Fluorescent lights also put off a frequency that can cause dizziness and trigger headaches.  Headache sufferers may describe experiencing headaches and other symptoms when shopping at stores with bright over-head fluorescent lights.  We are in the process of replacing most of the fluorescent lights in our house as I will react to them with dizziness and headaches. I try to limit my cell phone and computer use to reduce exposure. 

CONVENTIONAL VS HOLISTIC MEDICINE

 When choosing conventional medicine to treat migraines, it is not recommended to use over-the counter painkillers or “rescue” medications that quickly eliminate the migraines on a temporary basis. These tend to cause rebound headaches.  Dr. Buchholz recommends attempting to reduce triggers prior to using prescription medications, and only using certain medications for prevention when absolutely necessary.  In 2011, I started taking Propanolol to prevent my migraines.  I did not like the side effects and discovered that use of the medication can lead dependency on the drug, so my doctor tapered me off of it. I am cautious about prescriptions because of the side effects and toxins in them.  I prefer to detoxify my body and use holistic approaches of finding root causes and removing triggers for headaches.  I have a friend who uses a natural approach to treating migraines through her holistic doctor, however also sees a neurologist and takes a preventative medication.  She plans to use it until they are able to address the root causes of her headaches and manage them through removing enough triggers.  Her holistic doctor recently conducted bioresonance testing on this medication and the tests revealed that her body would respond well to it.  I believe it should be a personal decision whether or not you choose preventative medications, however you should be aware of the side effects and potential problems that could arise with taking them.

Magnesium and other natural supplements are sometimes used as a natural way to treat migraine headaches.  I have taken magnesium in the past as a part of my treatment regimen.  If you choose herbal remedies to help your headaches, I recommend consulting a professional to assist you in determining what would work best for you as each situation is unique.

HEALING FAITH

 We live in a broken world with pain and sorrow.  Headaches seem to be one of the many fragmented paths of this broken world.  As I have pieced together the fragments of this journey, faith has played a central role in my path toward healing.  I have trusted God to guide me through each step.  Through the years, I have found comfort and hope in the many promises that God has given me in his word. 

 Psalm 103:1-5:  "Praise the Lord, O my soul, at my inmost being, praise his holy name.  Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so your youth is renewed like the eagles."

RESOURCES

I am NOT a doctor or an expert on Migraine Headaches.  This article is not intended to be used as medical advice.  If you are experiencing migraines, I recommend you seek medical attention from a professional who specializes in headaches.

Other resources on migraines:


http://www.naturalnews.com/036793_migraines_natural_remedies_solutions.html

This website is very informative about the hidden sources of MSG, a common migraine trigger:

http://www.msgtruth.org/avoid.htm

Other resources on chemical sensitivities and the harmful effects of EMF’s:

http://www.multiplechemicalsensitivity.org/multiple-chemical-sensitivity-3.php

http://www.naturalnews.com/022926_EMF_cell_phone_home.html


Sunday, December 9, 2012

Chronic Lyme Disease



WHAT IS LYME DISEASE


Lyme Disease is a spiral-shaped bacteria (spirochete) called Borrelia Burgdorferi that is very similar in appearance to the spirochete bacteria found in the disease Syphilis.  People become infected with the disease through a tic bite, usually a deer tic that is about the size of a poppy seed.  Only 50% of people who contract the disease recall having a tic bite.  Additionally, approximately 50% of Lyme patients have a rash known as Erythema Migrans or EM, which is typically shaped like a bulls eye. 


PREVALANCE IN THE US


Lyme Disease is reportedly the top vector-born illness in the US, however only about 10% cases are actually reported to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC).  Lyme Disease has been reported throughout the US, however is most prevalent in parts of New England, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and California.  It is considered to be one of the most dangerous and deadly infections, often more dangerous than West Nile Virus and other vector-born illnesses.


LYME CO-INFECTIONS


Patients with Lyme Disease often have other co-infections, which could include diseases such as Ehrlichia, Babesia, and Bartonella.  These co-infections can complicate symptoms and treatment.  Practitioners will sometimes test and treat other co-infections along with Lyme.


DIAGNOSIS


Currently, most doctors test for Lyme Disease through a Western Blot, looking for specific antibodies to Borrelia Burgdorferi in strips or bands.  There needs to be a certain number of positive bands in order for the test to be considered as positive for Lyme Disease.  This test is reported to be unreliable because the Borrelia is able to change its outer protein cast and hide from blood tests.  Frequently, patients have false negative tests.  Practitioners will sometimes make a clinical diagnosis based on multiple factors.


With early detection, Lyme Disease is easily treated with a 21-day round of antibiotic therapy.  Unfortunately, many people are unaware that they have the disease.  This is probably partially due to the fact that symptoms of Lyme can be mild at first and mimic other conditions.  The symptoms increase in severity over time as the spirochetes burrow deep into tissue, organs, joints, and the central nervous system.  The longer an individual has the disease, the more difficult it is to diagnose and treat, progressing into a condition known as Chronic Lyme Disease.



LYME SYMPTOMS


Lyme Disease can imitate or mimic other diseases and conditions.  Often people with Lyme Disease are misdiagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Parkinson’s, MS, ALS, Mental Illness, and other similar conditions. 


The disease manifests differently in patients ranging in the acuity of symptoms and the length of time before symptoms become more severe.  Many people have the disease for months or years before realizing they have it.  Symptoms vary from person to person, however may include headache, stiff neck, difficulty sleeping, weakness, fatigue, severe muscular and/or joint pain, numbness/tingling, muscle twitching, sensitivity to light and/or sound, dizziness, vertigo, loss of balance, ringing ears, hearing loss, paralysis in the face, difficulty with memory/concentration, depression, and anxiety.  As the disease progresses it can affect all the systems of the body, attacking the heart, central nervous system, and brain.  With Chronic Lyme Disease, the symptoms become more severe and debilitating.  Some patients experience neurological problems.


TREATMENT FOR LYME DISEASE


Chronic Lyme patients have often expressed frustration and loss of hope in seeking answers and treatment for such a devastating disease.  Many doctors have reportedly been uneducated about this complex disease, leading to a misdiagnosis or inability to give the patient proper treatment.  Patients may be referred to numerous doctors unable to get definite answers as to what their diagnosis is or finding a treatment for the disease.  Some doctors may refuse to admit that there is such a condition as Chronic Lyme Disease.  Doctors may also claim that standard 2-3 week antibiotic therapy is sufficient to treat all Lyme Disease cases.  As the spirochetes burrow deep into tissues and organs of the body, Borrelia is able to hide from antibiotics, needing a more aggressive approach to kill the disease.  Currently, the reportedly most effective medical treatment for Chronic Lyme Disease is long-term use of both oral and IV antibiotics for months at a time.  Many doctors are unable to provide this aggressive antibiotic therapy due to the scrutiny of this type of treatment in the medical community.  When undergoing treatment for Lyme, patients sometimes report a severe and acute reaction called Jarisch-Herxheimer. This is an adverse reaction to the toxins released into the body as large amounts of spirochetes are dying off. 


A Chronic Lyme patient that is interested in long-term antibiotic therapy would have the most success in seeking out a Lyme Literate Doctor to provide this type of treatment.  Lyme Literate Doctors are difficult to find due to the controversy associated with this type of treatment.  Lyme Literate Doctors are often unable to bill insurance for services.  Some lab tests may be coverable, however it can become very expensive for the patient.  To find a Lyme Literate Doctor closest to your region, you can go to this link:


ALTERNATIVE TREATMENTS


Because of the difficulty in treating the disease, potential mounting medical expenses involved, and the reported “Lyme Wars” going on in the medical community, Lyme patients are often seeking out holistic medicine and holistic practitioners to treat Lyme Disease.  Cats Claw and Samento are two of the more common type of Lyme-killing herbs, however there are numerous options available.  Nutrition and diet are very important factors in treating the disease holistically.  You can purchase books and guides for treating yourself with Lyme disease, however I recommend seeking the help of a holistic doctor or practitioner as these herbs are potent and you do not know how your body will react to them.  Practitioners are often able to identify the presence of the disease through using forms of kinesiology and bioresonance testing.  This type of testing is useful in identifying other co-infections, toxins, and health problems that are affecting the Lyme patient.  Bioresonance testing is also very beneficial for testing the individual’s ability to tolerate specific herbal remedies.  Field Control Therapy is a safe and effective alternative to treating Lyme Disease, and the option that I chose for myself. 

For more information on using Field Control Therapy to treat Lyme you can read my blog:  http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2013/11/health-wellness-and-beauty-of_4739.html

Whether you are using antibiotics, holistic medicine, or combination therapies, there usually is no fast or easy approach in treating Chronic Lyme Disease.  You may find that your symptoms worsen for a time before you start to see an improvement.  Treatments can last for months and sometimes years depending on the severity of the disease and other factors and health problems involved. 


For my personal experience with Lyme disease:  http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2012/11/enduring-winter-my-battle-with-lyme.html

LYME RESOURCES

The information in this blog post is based on my own personal experience with having Lyme Disease along with the research I’ve done through reading books, looking at web-sites, and watching documentaries/videos.  I am not an expert on Lyme disease, medicine, or holistic health.  For further information about the disease see the following links.  I will provide further links and information regarding holistic health in future posts.


International Lyme and Associated Diseases Society:



Lyme Disease Association:


Website for Author and Lyme Disease Survivor, Brandilyn Collins:



Lyme Disease Blog:



Award Winning Documentary, Under Our Skin:

http://underourskin.com/film/

http://underourskin.com/sequel/#sequel-home

Clip about Lyme Disease on the TV show, Dr. Phil:



Sunday, November 18, 2012

Enduring the Winter: My Battle with Lyme Disease





When I started this blog in 2011, I believed that I was coming off of a time of tribulation in my life, expecting that things would only get better.  I figured that I would be able to inspire others by sharing my personal testimony and bring hope in the lives of those struggling with personal difficulties.  What I didn't anticipate was that it was just the tip of the iceberg.  In August of last year, I wrote what I believed to be my personal testimony in “Broken for His Glory”. During that time, I described what seemed to me a very long and weary struggle with chronic vertigo, pain, and weakness.  Surely, things could not get any worse!  Looking back, I realize that during that time, I was being prepared to endure a long winter in the wilderness.  As my health spiraled downward, I entered a deep cold spiritual darkness.  I was beyond disappointed.  I just couldn't understand where I went wrong, so I decided to take a break from my blog while I sorted things out.   It was a very long winter to endure, but God carried me through it. 






WHERE WINTER BEGAN


The summer of 20ll was a very special time for my kids and I.  They absolutely loved having their mom home with them.  We took daily walks in the neighborhood, weekly trips to the library and park together, and even spent a couple of days at the beach.  I tried to ignore my weakness and dizziness as much as possible hoping it would eventually go away.  Towards the end of the summer, I began to notice new symptoms emerging.  The pain spread from my upper back, neck, and shoulders to my ribs and chest.  I started having very sharp chest pains that compromised my breathing.  Where I should have been getting stronger from my daily physical therapy exercises, I was becoming weaker. It was becoming increasingly difficult to participate in outings with the family and church activities.  The pain and weakness eventually spread to my arms and legs, further compromising my mobility.  I knew something wasn't right yet I couldn't pinpoint what it was.  By early October my exercise program and life as I knew it came to a screeching halt.


SEEKING ANSWERS
Around that time, I listened to a pod cast on KTIS from Susie Larson that changed my outlook on everything.  In the pod cast, she interviewed author, Brandilyn Collins, about a disease called Lyme Disease. I met Susie earlier that year, and heard part of her testimony of how chronic Lyme Disease impacted her life and became the “platform” for her ministry. I did not know much about the disease itself until I listened to the interview.   As both Brandilyn and Susie shared their personal experiences, I realized that they were describing some of my own symptoms.  I went on Brandilyn’s website and started researching the disease.

 I discussed this with my husband and talked about it with my doctor.  She tested me for Lyme Disease, and I only tested positive for one out of the five titers, which by CDC standards is considered a negative test.  Thankfully, my doctor understood that standard Lyme tests are not always reliable.  They often show false negatives. In own my research, I discovered that doctors are often unable to treat chronic Lyme Disease as standard antibiotic treatments do not kill the disease.  In fact, many doctors refuse to believe that such a condition such as chronic Lyme Disease even exists.  It has become a very controversial subject in the medical community.  My doctor was very caring and compassionate and seemed to totally understand implications of this disease.  She agreed to prescribe a 21-day dose of doxicyclin, the standard procedure for treating Lyme Disease.  She told me that her hands were otherwise tied.  She was unable to treat me further, and I would need to find someone who could.  She said she could try referring to an infectious disease physician, however most specialists would follow the CDC standard for the disease and would not pursue it further.  She did mention the name of a doctor who specializes in Lyme Disease and also suggested I look into an alternative care practitioner from a neighboring town whom successfully treated another of her patients with the disease.  I knew there was not going to be any easy answers in this.  Then, the path towards complete brokenness began.



SUBMITTING TO BROKENNES
I started the round of antibiotics and soon began herxing as my body could not handle all the toxins released from the dying off bacteria.  I was weak and listless, completely giving in to the disease.  I spent 6 weeks in bed 90 % of the time.  During that time, I lost more than 30 pounds. When trying to walk across the room, I often would loose my balance and fall over.  My legs ached and frequently felt like they would give out when I tried to stand.  The pain spread throughout my entire body. 
My husband, Mel, was working long hours and was not able to be home much.  During the day, I was home alone with my active one-year-old, terrified that something might happen to me and there would not be anyone to supervise him.  I had very little energy and was forced to parent my little guy from my bed.  At noon, I would drag myself out of bed, heat something to eat in the microwave, and we both would sit on my bed and share it.  After lunch, we usually took a nap together.   
Every afternoon, my 6th grader would walk home from the bus stop, only to turn around and walk another quarter of a mile to pick up her little brother.  Then, I would attempt to drag myself out of bed to try to prepare something for my kids for supper, often feeling too weak to finish.  Many evenings, my daughter had to either cook supper or finish what I started.  My kids frequently set up picnics on my bed so that we could all have supper together.  It was a scary and troubling time for them. 
My husband, Mel, struggled with seeing me suffer and feeling helpless to do anything about it.  Through all of this, he has been very committed to see our family through this.  He had a great deal of responsibility on his shoulders providing for our family, making sure the kids made it to school and their extracurricular activities, and doing all the family shopping.  He often chose to push his feelings aside to keep the household going.
DESPERATE FOR HOPE
I started researching doctors and making phone calls, discovering the difficulty and expense of getting in to see a “Lyme Literate Doctor.” These doctors are often unable to bill insurance for their services and will charge several thousands of dollars for lab fees and other services.  I finally did find a “Lyme Literate Doctor” who would see new patients and wasn't quite as expensive; however, I would still have to wait a few months to get in to see her.  I made the appointment with a feeling that this was not want God wanted for me.  I researched the side affects of the long-term use of IV antibiotics and the damage it does to your body.  It just didn't seem right for me.  I also contacted an alternative care practitioner that my doctor recommended.  His receptionist put me on a one-year waiting list and said she would call me back in a few months to let me know where I was on the waiting list.  It didn't look good. 
I felt like I needed to do something and decided to try treating myself using holistic medicine.  I borrowed a book from a friend who’s family member had self-treated herself for the disease. I got online and ordered several disease-killing supplements recommended by the author of this book.  My symptoms were only worsening, and I was desperate for any kind of hope or healing.  I found out medicating myself without the supervision of a practitioner was a huge mistake for me.  I was having severe adverse reactions to the supplements so I stopped taking them. 
Meanwhile, I was having Parkinson’s-like tremors throughout my body--especially in my hands, mouth, and eyes.  I would lie in bed awake at night, my eyes rapidly twitching and my mouth having tremors.  Lights seemed to make the tremors and vertigo worse, and I could not tolerate much light.  My world was darkness to me.  I started having terrifying episodes in which the room started spinning really fast.  During these episodes, I would have severe brain fog and couldn't concentrate or focus.   Parts of my face would feel numb, my vision would go blurry, and I would have tremors throughout my body.  This brought on a lot of anxiety and fear of having a seizure or dying.  My life seemed out of control. 
At times I felt like I had completely lost hope, and I entertained thoughts that I was probably dying.   I remember calling a mentor from my church, and I told her that I thought I was going to die.  I said that I had given up hope.  She told me, “Let me lend you my hope for a while” and then prayed for me.  I spent sleepless nights clinging to my Bible and reading fragments of Bible verses, desperate for an answer from God that I would survive this winter. 



A BEND IN THE ROAD
Several people had recommended the alternative care practitioner I was on a waiting list to see, stating he has helped many people in our region who have suffered from Lyme Disease and other related illnesses.  As a result of prayer, my husband, Mel, and I both believed that God was confirming that I needed to see this practitioner.  One November day last year, a woman from our church contacted me and said that she had an appointment to see this practitioner for initial testing in a couple of weeks, and God had confirmed for her that she needed to give me her appointment.  I was astounded.  That day, the receptionist called me to scheduled the appointment.  My family and I were extremely relieved that I would have the guidance of a practitioner. God worked it out when everything seemed impossible.  To me it was a miracle.  I will always be grateful to the woman who gave me her appointment.  She has now become a very dear friend.
 When I went in for the testing, my practitioner told me he found multiple complicated issues involving harmful substances in my body, damage from over-use of antibiotics, sensitivity to electromagnetic frequencies, and numerous other health problems.  He told me that the testing would reveal my health problems step by step like peeling an onion.  It would be an extremely lengthy and complex process. My nervous system had significant damage to it, and it would take a long time to undo the damage.  We would start by addressing my sensitivity to electromagnetic frequencies, which would interfere with my treatments if we didn't address them first.  I had to wait more than a month, trying out some new equipment at home before starting my treatments.  Based on the findings of my testing, my practitioner would choose the problems that were causing the biggest damage to my body and work on eliminating those problem areas. I would also be taking treatments that would give my brain, nervous system, and bodily organs the “support” needed to heal.
LEARNING TO WAIT AND TRUST
The most difficult part of starting a new alternative therapy was waiting.  With conventional medicine, you typically go to the doctor, share your symptoms, and the doctor might run some labs or other tests.  Then, the doctor often prescribes a medication that usually has some type of immediate reaction or result to treat certain symptoms.  With alternative therapy, it is a much slower process because the practitioner is most often trying to address the source of the problem instead of the symptoms.  You may also experience what is called a “healing crisis” which means that you have certain adverse symptoms while your body is healing.  The adverse symptoms usually go away over time.  

From the beginning, I put a lot of faith in God and made the decision to trust that He would see me through this.  It was one of the hardest things I had to do, but so worth it.  I started treatments the first of January, however it took a few months of detoxing  chemicals before my body was ready to treat viruses and illnesses. Lyme Disease is often associated with various co-infections. Over time, I had contracted several viruses, bacterial and fungal infections, and other pathogens.  Their symptoms seemed to overlap each other.  As I slowly worked on them, I was able to pinpoint specific symptoms that I was having and understand how the disease or condition affected them.  Just knowing and understanding what was going on had taken a huge load off my shoulders. 
As I slowly worked through the complex layers of my health, I would see bits and pieces of my health come back.  My improvements started out with small things like sleeping better at night, being able to get out of bed during the day, and tolerating natural light.  My husband bought me a cane, which was a huge blessing to me despite my embarrassment with using it in public.  It helped me to get around more, and I was able to go outside without fear of loosing my balance and falling.   


SEEING THE LIGHT
It took many months of treatments and alternative therapy before I really did start noticing significant improvements in my health.  I was thrilled to experience some days without any vertigo at all.  My energy level suddenly started improving, and the pain was slowly getting better.  I was delighted to be able to clean my house!  I was praising while cooking and cleaning!   Working and praising God has been a wonderful feeling!  Over the summer, I went on occasional walks with Mel and the kids, but most often could only make it a short distance.  The day I walked a whole mile was a true day of praise!  I have been truly blessed to see my family and friends rejoice with me.  Finding pleasure in the small things adds a new sweetness to life I've never known before.
BROKEN AND RENEWED

Before my illness, my heart was hard and my relationship with God had become a little dry.  This journey has softened my heart and built up my character through sanctification.  God has demonstrated his love for me through answered prayer, blessings from friends and family, and the love that has been poured out to our family by members of our church. 
There have been several things that have helped me get through this period of winter.  I found spiritual healing through prayer and submitting everything to God by declaring that I am not the one in control.  I finally found the peace I was seeking by merely realizing that there is no true formula for healing.  Early on, I spent quite a few nights, having it out with God, fighting the devil, and crying out in anguish.  I read a few books offering suggested prayers and techniques for freedom and healing, however I started using them as an attempt to manipulate God into doing things my way.  I can say that the prayers and techniques I learned in these books have been helpful for dealing with some of my emotions and strengthening my spiritual walk, but I discovered that I needed to stop trying so hard.  It wasn't until I realized that it was God’s will that I suffer for a while that I finally decided to stop fighting. Then, I really could submit to his will and receive true peace “that surpasses all understanding”.  I started setting aside an hour each day reading God’s word and just talking to him in prayer.  Those times have become very sweet and comforting to me.  My tension and stress has often been released through His presence.  
I have frequent contact my mom who lives far away, and she has always encouraged me to not give up hope.  I have appreciated all the love and support she has given me throughout this season.    My husband has also shown me a vast amount of love and support.   His unconditional love and strength has been a firm foundation in my life.  God has put  a handful of friends in my life who have been committed to pray for me and my family.  I have networked with a couple of ladies in particular have struggled with their own chronic health problems.  We keep in touch with each other on a frequent basis, sharing prayer requests and needs.  I thank God for these wonderful and strong women. 
Recently, God has put it on my heart to be committed to pray for other people who struggle with their health.  I see the overwhelming burden on people’s lives, and my heart aches for them.    I truly feel that somehow God can help me to use my suffering to inspire and help others. 
 I know that my wellness journey is far from over.  Winter may not be completely gone in my life, and I may still have some moments struggling in the wilderness of my heart. In this moment, I am filled with gratitude as I praise God for getting me through this.  By faith and through God’s great love and mercy, I have learned to endure the winter.  Now, I look forward to the promises of spring!
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
To read more about testimonies of faith during times of tribulation, I recommend reading the book Mercy in the Wilderness by Susan M. Larson.  This book has been a blessing for me. 

For more information about Lyme Disease, here is a pod cast interview with author, Brandilyn Collins:
Here is Brandilyn's website:
This Blog contains more resources and information about Lyme Disease and other Co-infections:
This is a Documentary about Lyme Disease:
http://underourskin.com/film/
http://underourskin.com/sequel/#sequel-home

Here is a clip from the TV Show, Dr. Phil, based on the Documentary Under Our Skin:

Friday, November 4, 2011

Happy Birthday Grandma June



Dear Grandma,

I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how much I miss you.  I think of all the wonderful memories we all had at your house and I will always hold them dear to my heart.  You have touched all of our lives with your unconditional love and your legacy of faith.  You were such a strong woman.  I am happy that you are in heaven now and that you can be with Grandpa.  Say hi to Faith Ann from her momma.  I am glad that she has you to take care of her.   About a year after you left us, I delivered a healthy baby boy.  His name is Jake and he will be 2 in January.  You would have loved to see his joyful smile.  Annika and Caleb ask about you often. Caleb says he remembers you and likes to hear us talk about you.  Annika misses you too.  We'll see you someday in heaven.  Happy Birthday!  I love you and wish you were with me right now.  Darcee



Grandma’s House

Grandma’s House was built with strong hands,
With Faith, and with the tenderness of a mother’s love…

She welcomed me into her house, her heart opened
To pass on her love to this tiny baby cradled tenderly
In her gentle arms

And Love gave birth once again at Grandma’s house


Grandchildren filled her house with the song of laughter
Little feet running into her kitchen, delighting in simple
Childhood games and weaving memories together

And Grandma’s love stretched out to them like Lilies In June

That flourished in the garden outside Grandma’s house

Summers at Grandma’s house were flavored with the scents
Of Grandma’s garden, of canning rhubarb
The sweet juices of garden corn and red tomatoes dribbled
Down my chin, chicken frying, and endless cookies to bake

In the evenings, we rocked on the old porch swing
Grandma shared stories, and I shared dreams
She chased my nightmares away when I was afraid
She nursed me to health when I was sick

And Grandma’s love always persevered

When we stayed at Grandma’s house


A young woman, I returned again to Grandma’s house
Although the distance had grown between our dwellings,
Our love held us close through the many miles

She held my own precious baby girl, her tender eyes glowing
With love for her brand new great grandchild

And her heart once again expanded to draw in love

Because more younguns have filled Grandma’s house

Grandma’s house is a bridge to my dreams
I close my eyes and the memories come…

I am once again at Grandma’s house
I can still remember the sounds, the smells
The quiet strength of Faith she upheld

I can still hear her voice, calling my name
The soft noise of her rustling in her kitchen
I drink in my surroundings, my memory grasping
Every detail, trinket, picture and book
The kisses she stole and hugs she gave
Her “I love you’s” and her soft touch

And that is how memories have been built of Grandma’s house


Now a new house has been prepared for Grandma,
Where the streets are paved with gold and angels dance
The divine hand of Christ brings her home,
He whispers like rushing waters, “Well done Good and Faithful Servant”

Grandpa is there too, along with all her dear family and friends
They welcome her home
Grandma leaves us with her sweet memories to share

And with hope and faith, we will delight in that day when
Once again we are welcomed into Grandma’s house


And the Lord said:
“DO NOT LET YOUR HEARTS BE TROUBLED.  TRUST IN GOD,
TRUST ALSO IN ME.  IN MY FATHER’S HOUSE ARE MANY ROOMS:
IF IT WERE NOT SO, I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU.  I AM GOING THERE
TO PREPARE A PLACE FOR YOU.  AND IF I GO AND
PREPARE A PLACE FOR YOU, I WILL COME BACK
AND TAKE YOU TO BE WITH ME
THAT YOU MAY ALSO KNOW WHERE I AM”

JOHN 14:1-4

--Darcee Zehm
January 16, 2009
read at June Reed's funeral 

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Strength in My Weakness

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, "I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

 

I recently met with a dear friend that I hadn't been in contact with for several years.  Somehow I knew that God ordained this meeting and getting acquainted again.  This friend has been suffering from multiple health problems, heart trouble, migraines, etc.  In addition to this, she is struggling with anxiety and depression.  She has been in and out of the hospital/emergency room dealing with her physical and emotional struggles.  She told me that she that she trusts this all to the Lord and that she knows that he is ordained this season of suffering for his purposes.  I was in awe of her faith in her suffering.

Why does God allow suffering whether physical or emotional--disease and affliction, financial burdens, grief, loss of a family member, sadness, anxiety, fear, etc.?  I believe we can trust all these things to the Lord and he does have a plan or purpose for these hard seasons in our lives. 
This reminds me of a conversation I had this week with my two oldest kids.  My 6 year old son, Caleb, was telling me that when he prays for something he has lost or broken, God answers his prayer and gives him what he wants.  I sat Caleb and his older sister, Annika, down and told them that it is great to bring things before the Lord, however God does not always answer prayers the way we want him to.  Don't get me wrong, God always answers prayer.  He may answer it in one of three ways: Yes, No, or Wait.  We have to trust that when he answers our prayers with No or Wait it is because he has a greater plan.  I used pain and suffering as an example of how God will use trials in our lives for his purpose so that we can be stronger and help others in the process.   As another example, Annika brought up the movie, "Facing the Giants." The movie is about a football team with a huge loosing streak.  At one point in the movie, the coach says "We praise God when we win and we praise God when we loose."  This is totally contrary to what the world tells us.  The world tells us we have to win and be on top, the strongest, the best looking, the most powerful.

Maybe that is why it seems so hard to comprehend suffering.  Maybe we tend to judge it, ignore it, misunderstand it.  God speaks to suffering in such a different way.  God carries our sorrows and our burdens for us.  God knows us so intricately, he planned us before the creation of the world, and he created us in his image.  He desires a close intimate relationship with each one of us.

After accidentally slipping on a wet floor and falling,  I was dealing with more pain than usual this week.  I found myself repetitively needing to give everything (my pain, my fears, my struggles) to the Lord.  Some days I have to just live moment by moment and trust that the Lord would help me through it.  As I was driving to an appointment, feeling sorry for myself and a little anxious about the pain in my back and chest, I was listening to KTIS on the radio and a song about weakness came on.  Suddenly God spoke to my heart so clearly, "My Grace is Sufficient."  Now, this verse has spoken to me numerous times over the years but it was if my eyes were opened to the profound truth of this.  God's POWER is made PERFECT in my WEAKNESS.  It is OK to be weak because then God is STRONG and he can more fully reveal himself to me and to others.  Wow, God.  That is awesome!  Thank you Jesus!  So, I will continue to put my hope in the Lord and trust him day by day, moment by moment.  I will praise him for the good days when I feel strong and praise him in my pain and sorrow.  God is Good.  God is Faithful. 

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.  Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."  Romans 5:1-5