"Death and Life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits." Proverbs 18:21
THORNS
THORNS
The consequence of living in a broken world is that each of us has that one thing in our life that we struggle with. Some call it a habit, addiction, annoyance, or sin. Paul called it a "thorn" in his flesh (2 Corinthians 12:7). My "thorn" is twofold--I have the innate desire to please everyone no matter what the consequences are, and I was born with my foot in my mouth--whatever is on my mind spills out before I have a chance to think. I have spent most of my life battling my insecurity over what people think of me and trying to get control over what I say. In some ways, I have a transparency about me in which what you see is what you get, yet there is another side of me that wants to withhold information so that I won't hurt someone's feelings or create conflict. Both sides can get me into trouble from time to time. In further reflection, I have come to the conclusion that pride and insecurity are the root of most sin and destructive behavior. My type of pride is not as easily identifiable because it hides like a wolf in sheep clothing behind a false sense of humility. The covert and deceptive nature of this type of pride can actually be more destructive than the more obvious kind.
A CULTURAL CRISIS OF WORDS
The "thorn" of words is not just a personal issue for me as I believe it to be a cultural norm across multiple generations. We have become an exceedingly self-absorbed, me first, hands-off society that replaces personal relationships with our electronic devices. We trade in our desire to bring goodwill to others for a "victim" mentality and a sense of entitlement. These relationship flaws become magnified by communicating through text messages, emails, and social media. I see it time and time again on Facebook and Twitter when fingers start doing the talking and we have no filter in what we say. We push to extremes and forget that our actions and words can't be taken back once they are out there. In communicating our frustrations and hurts in this manner, it also can lead to misconceptions and irreversible hurt emotions. I have experienced firsthand how harmful this type of communication can be.
WORDS THAT HURT
"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly." Proverbs 15:1-2
I had a very painful experience a while back that was fueled by a text message. I honestly didn't want to share this experience because of its personal nature, but when the Lord gets after me on a subject to write about, I can't get it off my mind until it comes spilling out. After praying about it, I felt that He wanted me to write about my experience so I knew I had to do it because the words were burning in my spirit. Here it goes: Last spring, I was feeling on top of the world with excitement and joy for my daughter who was graduating because I was finally well enough to be a part of events involving her graduation/college plans. I was also beaming with pride for her beauty and accomplishments. It was a bittersweet time because I was grieving the fact that she was no longer a child, and I missed out on many opportunities to be a part of her life outside the home as a result of my longstanding chronic condition. Around the time of my daughter's graduation, my teenage son was infected with Lyme disease which added a tremendous amount of strain and worry for me.
Several events surrounding my daughter's graduation, family health issues, having a family-owned business, and various other factors left me in a tailspin of stress, lack of sleep, and exhaustion. When I was at my most exhausted and vulnerable point, I was slammed with a startling turn of events. I don't want to go into the full details, but it involved the loss of a longstanding friendship through a freak incident that couldn't have happened by chance. At my daughter's graduation, I made a hasty comment in response to a question from a family member about a very dear friend from my past. As soon as I made the comment, I realized my mistake and cringed inwardly for speaking without thinking; however, I decided to forget that it happened because I couldn't take it back. My comment got back to her through a text message by someone who overheard the conversation. She lives several hundred miles away and has only met a few of my local family members briefly while visiting from out of state so it never crossed my mind that she would find out.
A few weeks later, it all blew up in my face. The entire story came out with a few text messages and emails, and all I can say is that the scenario was blown out of proportion by both of us and turned into a monstrosity that took on a life of itself. I was completely blind sighted by it, and I did not know what exactly happened except it was like the "gossip game" gone wrong. At that time, I was going on very little sleep, my son was at his worst point in his Lyme battle, and I had no physical or emotional reserve--the perfect storm for disaster! I was angry, hurt, and devastated. My rational thinking seemed to be impaired by exhaustion and stress; however, after I was able to get some rest and take a closer look at the situation, I could finally see it for what it was. For a time, I was very grieved and blamed myself. I repetitively told myself that my sin had finally caught up with me as I realized how careless words and an impulsive response to someone's anger could lead to such a disastrous outcome. It was too late to undo the damage, and I couldn't think of any way to fix it.
WORDS THAT HEAL
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
I was of a loss of what to do next, so I distanced myself from the emotional side of the situation and started praying about it. From a worldly standpoint, I could have focused on all the ways that I was wronged and come up with a pretty good case at being a "victim" of someone else's actions, but instead I chose to forgive and turn to God's guidance in how I should respond moving forward. I spent 3 months camped in the book of Proverbs, reflecting on wisdom versus foolishness and how they play out in our words and actions. The word that stood out the most for me was the word "heart." Our attitudes, emotions, and words spill out of what is on our "hearts." I began making lists of what the book of Proverbs say about our hearts and our words as well as wisdom, foolishness, pride, and humility. During that time, I had started an apology letter, initially trying to justify and/or explain my actions by sugarcoating it with Bible verses and meaningless Biblical rhetoric. That wasn't going to cut it. It seemed like God was calling me to the carpet. Every time, I tried to either bring up my hurt or come up with an excuse for what happened, He gently reminded me to take the giant plank out of my own eye and face the music for what it was. I had to address the fact that I indeed had a "heart" problem and I was the one who sinned in being careless with my words. I knew that it wasn't just a one-time incident either. My "foot in the mouth" habit was a problem I didn't know how to deal with. I essentially needed to eat an enormous slice of humble pie in order to move forward.
I was of a loss of what to do next, so I distanced myself from the emotional side of the situation and started praying about it. From a worldly standpoint, I could have focused on all the ways that I was wronged and come up with a pretty good case at being a "victim" of someone else's actions, but instead I chose to forgive and turn to God's guidance in how I should respond moving forward. I spent 3 months camped in the book of Proverbs, reflecting on wisdom versus foolishness and how they play out in our words and actions. The word that stood out the most for me was the word "heart." Our attitudes, emotions, and words spill out of what is on our "hearts." I began making lists of what the book of Proverbs say about our hearts and our words as well as wisdom, foolishness, pride, and humility. During that time, I had started an apology letter, initially trying to justify and/or explain my actions by sugarcoating it with Bible verses and meaningless Biblical rhetoric. That wasn't going to cut it. It seemed like God was calling me to the carpet. Every time, I tried to either bring up my hurt or come up with an excuse for what happened, He gently reminded me to take the giant plank out of my own eye and face the music for what it was. I had to address the fact that I indeed had a "heart" problem and I was the one who sinned in being careless with my words. I knew that it wasn't just a one-time incident either. My "foot in the mouth" habit was a problem I didn't know how to deal with. I essentially needed to eat an enormous slice of humble pie in order to move forward.
My husband and daughter both thought I was being too hard on myself and asked me to stop beating myself up. They recognized that I was sincere in how I felt; however, they told me I needed a healthier perspective. Although I wanted to change my habits, I had to accept a little grace as well. It took me almost five months to write that letter before I felt like it was an honest reflection of my heart that expressed what needed to be said. I wish that I could say that writing the letter magically fixed the situation, but life doesn't work that way and this story is far from being concluded. The hardest part is waiting, healing, and trusting God. Although I wish I could go back and change the outcome, I strongly believe there is a reason. Something like this doesn't just happen by chance. Maybe it was the only way that God could get my attention. Maybe it was His way of giving me a character makeover. I am certain that there is more reasons than I can see right now as to why and how it happened, but I know it is a part of the story of faith the Lord is writing on my heart and the hearts of the others who were involved in the incident. I may not know the reason or outcome on this side of heaven; however, I must have faith that God is sovereign and that He has a divine plan that will totally come together and make sense to all of us one day.
THE LIVING WORD
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10
It is funny how God speaks to us through so many venues. During my process of discerning my actions through the lens of God's word, there were several sermons from our church that seemed to fit perfectly into where I was at wrestling through my faith. This happened last November when I was feeling grieved about my "thorns." I came across a sermon from my pastor that gave me hope as it reflecting on Ephesians 4:17-22 which talks about the fact that we are a new creation under Christ. I don't have to accept my old self anymore but just trust that Christ will work it out through me. Does that mean that I suddenly stop sinning? No way! As soon as I feel too comfortable in my own skin, I miss the entire point and can turn my perceived righteousness into a Pharisee sort of pride. Putting the new self on, is a daily humble walk with God in which I recognize my "thorns" for what they are. I must ask the Lord to help my unbelief and walk with me as I face both the beautiful and ugly aspects of my life. Hopefully, in small incremental steps I can move forward and some day look back and see how changes were made in my character for the better. For now, I am simply trying to accept me for who I am, a child of God. As God continues to help me along, I am sure I will still need plenty of "gentle reminders" and a few "wake-up calls" here and there.
It is funny how God speaks to us through so many venues. During my process of discerning my actions through the lens of God's word, there were several sermons from our church that seemed to fit perfectly into where I was at wrestling through my faith. This happened last November when I was feeling grieved about my "thorns." I came across a sermon from my pastor that gave me hope as it reflecting on Ephesians 4:17-22 which talks about the fact that we are a new creation under Christ. I don't have to accept my old self anymore but just trust that Christ will work it out through me. Does that mean that I suddenly stop sinning? No way! As soon as I feel too comfortable in my own skin, I miss the entire point and can turn my perceived righteousness into a Pharisee sort of pride. Putting the new self on, is a daily humble walk with God in which I recognize my "thorns" for what they are. I must ask the Lord to help my unbelief and walk with me as I face both the beautiful and ugly aspects of my life. Hopefully, in small incremental steps I can move forward and some day look back and see how changes were made in my character for the better. For now, I am simply trying to accept me for who I am, a child of God. As God continues to help me along, I am sure I will still need plenty of "gentle reminders" and a few "wake-up calls" here and there.
STICKS AND STONES (...picking up the pieces)
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefor I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
My personal struggles have provided opportunities to overcome some of my insecurities. Out of my physical, financial, and relationship losses, I have given up certain expectations and learned to trust God. When I lean on the Lord, He likes to build me up out of my greatest weakness and help me to move forward in my walk of faith. Unfortunately, it is a lifelong process that doesn't change overnight. When we are experiencing our weakest and most vulnerable moments, personal insecurities and unpleasant habits like to sneak up on us requiring a tremendous amount of grace and repentance on our part. The old phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is false to the core. Our words can bring on a life of its own and cause more damage than the deadliest weapon. Thank the Lord, we have the "Word that Become Flesh" to restore our harmful words and actions. God can turn around the ugliest situations for His purpose and glory.
My personal struggles have provided opportunities to overcome some of my insecurities. Out of my physical, financial, and relationship losses, I have given up certain expectations and learned to trust God. When I lean on the Lord, He likes to build me up out of my greatest weakness and help me to move forward in my walk of faith. Unfortunately, it is a lifelong process that doesn't change overnight. When we are experiencing our weakest and most vulnerable moments, personal insecurities and unpleasant habits like to sneak up on us requiring a tremendous amount of grace and repentance on our part. The old phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is false to the core. Our words can bring on a life of its own and cause more damage than the deadliest weapon. Thank the Lord, we have the "Word that Become Flesh" to restore our harmful words and actions. God can turn around the ugliest situations for His purpose and glory.
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