The Bully Letters: from Broken Places to Redeeming Graces

A LETTER TO MY CHILDHOOD SELF

To the shy gangly ten-year-old girl who stepped out on the playground one fall morning, and a group of kids from your 5th grade class cornered you by the monkey bars.  One of them called out, "Hey Nutter, I hear you like nuts!"  Not quite understanding the meaning behind their derogatory remarks, you made a feeble attempt to defend yourself through their childish game of chanting and name calling.  Although you shrugged it off, a small piece of your innocence died that day.

In the years that followed, you tasted the bitter lesson that children are cruel and have little regard for your feelings as they elbowed each other and jeered at you with taunts and laughs.  They assaulted your beauty and intelligence with ugly names.  Their words followed you until you wished you could fade into the cracks of the invisible to disappear from their disheartening words.  Most of your teachers would turn a blind eye, and the one or two who tried to intervene only fanned the flame of cruelty to your shattered image.  

My beloved child, I wish that you could have seen yourself through the eyes of your Creator as the beautiful and precious girl you were.  I would have liked to have told you that it would be OK because it would or that in the end it wouldn't matter because it doesn't; but you will come to understand that words have power as they weigh you down and follow you.  You will have wasted too much of your life questioning yourself and pushing people away, a facade to protect those old wounds from reopening.  But God is bigger than the cruelty of childhood taunts and scars hidden away in shame like bitter secrets that don't seem to escape. God has a beautiful purpose for your pain and these damaging experiences will build you into something strong and glorious for His divine plan.  As you eventually reopen these wounds to allow the healing to begin, you will open your heart to His love and identify yourself to the One Who was mocked and beaten for your soul.  God wrote these haunting words on the book of your life, and transformed it into His beauty.

A LETTER TO THE BOY

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known."  1 Corinthians 13:12

To the bold and vivacious twelve-year-old boy who seemed to delight in my misery as you gathered your friends to call me "ugly", "stupid", "reject", "space cadet"... the words like fire into my veins until I could scarcely keep it all in.  One day in 6th grade gym class, you threw a basketball at me, hitting me like a load of bricks in the gut.  With breathless agony, I looked up at you, tears filling my blue-gray eyes, and I said to you, "I wish I was dead."  You looked at me with a jaunty stare and laughed.  At that moment, I realized that I believed all the disparaging things you and your friends called me, and I despised myself.  I longed to escape the ugly truth of the horror my life had become, and if I could I would have ended it all right then and there.  Our encounter generated a tormenting crisis of identity built on shattered images of self, loathing, and despair.  Did you know how your teasing pierced my soul and tore me apart inside?  Would you have cared if you understood the internal damage your words wounded?

Decades later, I would finally seek true healing in the bloody wounds for the One Who died to love.  Decades later, I received the news that you chose the path of pain and ended your life, and the truth once again hit me in the gut that my breath would be lost in regret for your sorrows.  What kind of pain did you know child?  What bitter lessons burst through your veins like scars and broken dreams?  If only we could turn back time and I could have lifted up the mirror for you to see the image before you of the One Who made you in His likeness, Who longed to write your name on His scars with "Not guilty, Forgiven, and Set Free"-- for the incredible creation He designed in your mother's womb because He loved you deeply and wholly just as you were, His beloved child.

A LETTER TO THE BULLIES

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."  Proverbs 18:21

To the nameless faces, the children and teens who seemed to build themselves up in tearing others down.  Your heedless words and careless remarks that chased me and followed me into adulthood were like poison, arrows to assault my self-esteem.  Could you imagine the searing lead behind your words or the damage they created?  My guess is that you grew up and matured from these childish pursuits and probably don't remember any of the pain they evoked.  Would it do anyone justice to hang on to these distorted images, to seek revenge, or to keep these bitter memories?  No.  Just as it would be futile to blame you or these experiences, what benefit is it for me hold onto them like a dagger to pierce the ignited fuel for hate?  The best gift I could give is those simple words, "I forgive you."  Not that forgiveness means forgetting or that it necessarily eases the pain of the memories.  But forgiveness is the anecdote for healing balm to sooth old wounds.  Forgiveness releases me from the shackles I have set myself to your words and heals the soul in stages of mercies.  Forgiveness releases you to your own path in which we will all someday be called to hold account for our words and actions.  Who am I to hold onto my judgement?  We all sin.  We all hurt others at some point.  We can only hold ourselves accountable, and when we are released from these burdens we build a solid foundation for something greater and more glorious than we could ever dream of.  That is the miracle of grace and redemption. 

A LETTER TO MY PARENTS


To the two people who loved your awkward daughter unconditionally, who never failed to tell me that you loved me.  You were role models for diligence, compassion, and forgiveness.  The heartache you must have felt in all those lost nights of sleep, for fear and worry for your hurting child.   You looked from the sidelines, helpless for the bitter lessons a child must carry through to grow and survive this fallen world of cruel words and harsh realities.  You stayed up with me when grief and fear consumed me, offering words of consolation and cups of hot cocoa.  You felt the pain of rejection when I shut you out and refused to unveil my wounds. Forgive me if I never stopped to say thank you for loving me and caring enough to see me through my teens. Sometimes I think you blamed yourselves and wondered what you could have done differently.  I know you would have done anything to spare me these sorrows, but for what others "meant for evil against me, God meant it for good." (Genesis 5:20)  God's reasons may not make sense to us but His story was written in the novel of these pages of heartache.  He takes our tribulations and passes them through fire to create something beautiful in His image.  He smites His beloved, and He had an incredible plan for all of us to come out of these broken places for His glory and grace.   His paradox for pain is our hope for crucified wholeness.


A LETTER TO FUTURE GENERATIONS

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person."  Colossians 4:6

To our children and the future generations that taste the bitter realities of facing their own "bullies."   Life isn't easy or fair, but we are never alone.  May the stories of redemption from our heartaches shine a light for you to see a glimpse of the image that God gives you for His fulfilled promises.  May you know He loves you with a passion that is like an unquenchable fire.  May you see yourself through His holy lens, that you are beautiful and perfect, the apple of His eye.  His Son redeemed you for His unconditional love so that you could taste a little eternity on earth.  Know that your value holds no bounds, and the thoughtless words of others will not hold a candle to the vastness of God's words to love and bind you to His grace.  To the incredible, smart, and articulate generation of youth.  You are above the petty, the ugly, and the hate.  You can make it.  Just hold on and hold fast to your faith, and God will see you through.

To those whose insecurity fuels your cruel words to sting and despair the seemingly weak and unsettled.  I pray that you find your redemption, that you would come to understand the power behind your damaging words and the consequences that follow.  You are also beloved in His sight, so turn to Him and He will expose the light to expel the ugly and distribute the grace that abounds for open hearts.  Sufficient grace can turn your anger and hate into beautiful redeeming love.  

FROM BROKEN PLACES TO REDEEMING GRACES

Today, our culture has raised more awareness than ever before about the consequences of bullying.  With nation-wide anti-bullying campaigns, we would think that our schools would overflow with peace and harmony.  So why do we see such tremendous demonstrations of division, bitterness, and violence fill our streets and rage our schools?  Why is suicide among our teens on the rise? Are we building a broken society with a broken generation marred by broken identities and families torn apart?  How do we bridge the gap that is shredding the fabric of our culture?   The only hope to bind these broken places is found in the wounds of God's redeeming graces.  As parents, our battle for grace starts on our knees as we plead for this generation and for a culture disfigured by cruelty and hate.  "What is impossible with man is possible with God" (Luke 18:27)  Just as God redeemed my battle scars for good, He can redeem this generation by His steadfast love and abounding grace.  May we be a gift of love for a hurting child, and by one loving sacrificial act at a time, we can pay it forward for God's fresh mercies.  Let us bring out a generation for hope and redemption built on love and truth as we allow God's light to shine through and create something new.

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."  1 Peter 4:8



For more about my perspective on bullying and healing through distorted teenage identities, you can read my commentaries on some of the poetry I wrote in my teens about these experiences.

http://dzehm2.blogspot.com/2017/02/the-ghosts-of-winter-melody.html

http://dzehm2.blogspot.com/2017/02/take-courage.html