“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11
We have come upon another New Year for plans, resolutions, second chances, and mercies that are fresh and new. In 2013 my eyes were opened to the ways of God and His purpose in my sinful, messed up, and less than perfect life. God demonstrated an agenda to unfold His plans for someone like me in my own weaknesses just as He did for people like Job, Moses, Gideon, David, Jonah, Rahab, and a simple peasant girl in Nazareth. God did a great work in each one of them despite their mistakes, failures, and poverty. With this in mind, I have decided to embark 2014 with a New Heart Revelation instead of a New Years Resolution. I am determined to face 2014 with a blind faith and trust in the unseen ways of my Creator, to rest on His promises and purposes in His perfect timing.
UNCERTAIN TIMES
"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance to our God; to comfort all who mourn, to grant those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." Isaiah 61:1-3
The world can be a be an intolerable place of grief, depression, addiction, estrangement, divorce, abuse, unemployment, cancer, affliction, and despair. For some the holiday season evokes reminders of the devastating circumstances of a crisis situation. Life isn't fair, and it is sometimes too distressful for words. The weight of circumstances such as these are overwhelming. It is easy to admonish others for their worry and anxiety until your child is diagnosed with cancer, the business you carefully labored over for years suddenly fails, or your spouse announces impending divorce. Your life becomes suddenly rocked with a serious illness and your doctor tells you there is nothing more that can be done. Sometimes, we are blind-sighted with unimaginable sources of pain.
THE HOLIDAYS
It is the weekend before New Years, and our family had a quiet, uneventful Christmas. I am doing my treatments and recently had a new procedure in hopes to get my body back to where it needs to be healthy. It has been more than 4 years now. More than 4 years since I can remember feeling normal without struggling day to day with neurological symptoms and episodes of vertigo. I am beyond the point of feeling like I woke up in a never-ending nightmare. For the most part, I have come to a place of acceptance that this is my new normal. I push through each day, sometimes gritting my teeth through the physical pain and episodes of weakness. I try to shake it off and make occasional jokes about my tired old body.
New Years Eve is approaching in a few days and I am a little fed up with it all. I see everyone else living their lives, seemingly oblivious to what I struggle with from day to day. They are out enjoying themselves and their families while I am having one of those days where it is a challenge to make supper and do the dishes without falling. No one has any idea that my right leg is not working right today and I lean against the wall to make it across the room. No one knows that I sometimes wake up at night with twitching in my head that feels like a rubber ball is bouncing in my brain. When I get up to use the bathroom, I have to hold onto the sink because the room is spinning and I take a deep breath through the nausea. Now, I sit alone in silence, my children outside playing in the fresh and pure snow, and I take a moment to let the tears fall for all that I am missing out on and all that everyone else seems to take for granted. God allows me to wallow in my pity for a moment, then He begins to coax me and guide me out of my anguish. I can feel His presence breathing in me, "I'll never fail you or forsake you." He seems to whisper in my spirit, "Trust me." Like a small child, I take His hand and walk again in faith, allowing Him to lead me to the next place. I breath and I pray and I trust. The moment of self pity has dissipated, and I know that despite all I've lost and missed out on God has given me enough of His grace to make it and I will be OK.
That is how life has become what it is for me. I struggle through days with my less than perfect body and less than perfect attitude, discovering the mercies and promises of a sovereign God who meets me in each moment with unsearchable compassion and love. He always gives me just what I need in the moment. Just enough. No less. No more.
LIVING IN THE MOMENT
Living in the moment isn't easy, and it is impossible to do in your own strength. Living in the moment is about making a daily decision to trust God to meet you where you are and to show Himself and His truth. If we worry about the past, our mistakes, and what we should have done differently; if we focus on the unknown future, we will find ourselves on a downward spiral of hopelessness. We can't change the past and we can't control the future. All we have is now. This moment to live, to breath, and to walk by faith. We will encounter God in that moment when we focus our eyes on Him and trust Him. He knows our worries, our fears, and our failures; yet He still loves us more than we could ever imagine. He yearns for us to put caution to the wind and jump feet first into the seas of trust, holding on for dear life to the Rock of Salvation.
Everyone has different ways to manage their difficult circumstances. I want to share some of the strategies that have helped me to cope as I have chosen to live my life moment by moment.
ABIDE IN THE LORD
"I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5
In order to live more fully in the moment, you must first recognize that you can't do it on your own. God honors your confession of this truth through prayer as you obediently make the decision to spend time getting to know Him. I set aside time every day to digest God's word through daily readings and inductive study. I also enjoy reading Christian books that focus on various subjects such as security, contentment, freedom, and perseverance. Spending time in God's word has been necessary for me to understand His character, His ways, and His purpose for my life.
I have found creative ways to seek God's company through prayer and a personal relationship. When I am outside, I feel closest to God. There is something about nature that seems to speak and breath God's presence. In the summer, I often do my daily Bible study and prayer time outside. I cherish sweet moments out in the garden witnessing my Creator's presence through His creation. As I go about my day, I am mindful of His presence. I talk to Him throughout the day with brief prayers and silent conversations. I also set aside periods of time for prayer. It is beneficial to write down specific prayer requests and record His answers to prayer. When I am busy becoming too comfortable in my daily routine, I easily loose sight of this and start to ignore His presence in my life. I need occasional reminders to stay connected. When I do, God methodically reveals more and more of who He is.
CAST YOUR WORRIES ON HIM
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34.
I am by nature a worrier. My mom teases me that I come by it genetically. One of my greatest challenges in coping with chronic health problems has been finding healthy ways to deal with my worries, fears, and anxieties. The Bible simply tells us "do not fear" (Isaiah 41:10), "do not worry" (Matthew 6:25), and "cast all your anxieties on him" (1 Peter 5:7). I can read these verses over and over again, and yet still find myself worrying about the unknown. The skill of overcoming worry is developed through my daily decision to spend time with God as He works through this battle in my heart. He is providing me with a step by step lesson in faith and trust. God always gives me just enough mercy and grace to cope with the struggles I face in each moment, not the ones I imagine could happen. Learning to have faith and to cast my worries on God has become easier for me with practice and time. I recently made what I call a "worry box." I wrapped a box with pretty silver paper to hold all my worries, symbolic of giving them over to God. When I ruminate on a particularly stressful situation, I take a moment to write down my fears and frustrations on a piece of paper. Then I put it in the box, offering as a sacrificial prayer to Him who is in control of all things. I have experienced release from worry by giving it to the Lord and declaring trust that He will take care of my needs. Sometimes, I find myself writing down the same worry a few days or a week later, needing to release it again. I don't always demonstrate complete faith in God. He is teaching me. I call myself a "work in progress."
WRITE IT DOWN
I am a writer and a list maker. I'm not excessively organized; however, I feel better when I keep a certain level of order in my life as well as a consistent routine. I do this by making daily to do lists and writing in a journal. I journal about my day, what is on my mind, and my relationship with the Lord. I also journal prayers and conversations with my Creator. In my writing, I express what I discover about God and what I've learned through Bible study. I write down my physical and neurological symptoms when they come and then give them over to the Lord. There is something about writing it down and naming it that liberates me.
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the father through him." Colossians 3:17
Another revelation I recently discovered was the true power of gratitude. A couple years ago, I started making short lists of what I'm thankful for at the end of the day. This summer, I decided to take it a step further and accept the "Joy Dare" challenge by keeping a specific gratitude journal. My goal was to record 1000 things I was thankful for in 2013. I made it to 1000 by Christmas and kept going. When I go back to the list, I rediscover a beautiful record of simple pleasures and moments of joy. Gratitude has been a blessing to me as a choice to record thankfulness when I feel anything but grateful. Some days I just feel like I need more grace than gratitude, yet by making a conscious effort to focus on that which I am thankful for seems to lessen the hold of worry and defeat on my spirit. As I embark another year in the Lord's presence, my prayer is that I will be able to continue to choose an attitude of gratitude and hold fast to the simple pleasures He gives in the moment.
FORGIVE
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13
There is a barrier in our relationship with God as long as we carry bitterness in our hearts. When we hold onto the wrongs others have made against us, we only hurt ourselves. It weighs us down like a heavy boulder. Life is too short for carrying around grudges. Forgiveness is a decision we make to release this burden and set us free from self-inflicted misery. A few years ago, I prayed for God to show me who I needed to forgive and wrote down a list of everyone who had hurt me. Then, I prayed specifically for each person, their specific offense, and released them to the Lord. I asked God to release the pain and damaged emotions in my heart from their actions. Afterwards, I felt a tremendous amount of relief. Now, forgiveness is a regular part of my prayer life. Once in a while, God nudges me a little. I always feel better when I make the choice to let it go to the Lord. I know that He will hold that person accountable for their actions so I don't have to carry the burden anymore.
Just as God commands us to forgive others, He also calls us to swallow our pride and ask for forgiveness. It is a humbling experience to admit when we are wrong. I feel a new sense of freedom when I confess it and receive the gift of God's grace.
BUILD A SUPPORT NETWORK
A couple of years ago, I was completely undone by the effects of Lyme disease and other related infections. I felt as though I was at the end of my rope and desperately cried out for friends and family to help me. During that season, I was embarking a spiritual wilderness that no one could help me through. God made it clear to me that He wanted me to lean primarily on Him for comfort and hope. That is how I learned the true depth of my dependence upon Him. Through these troubled times, God blessed me with a network of supportive friends and family. They have stood by me and consistently prayed for me and my family. They have shared in sadness for my losses and rejoiced with the ground I have gained in my health. My experience has also led to new friendships with others who share similar struggles as my own, creating deep and encouraging relationships of faith. My support network has made a difference in my life as I have linked arms with others. We are walking this journey together, encouraging each other through our trials and triumphs.
USE YOUR STRUGGLES TO HELP OTHERS
I eventually came to a crossroads of acceptance for my circumstances and asked the Lord to clearly show me what He is trying to teach me through my struggles. As I build a personal relationship with my Lord and abide in Him day by day, I have found that He is calling me to look upon the suffering of others with compassion and prayer. I see the weight of what others go through and my heart yearns for their breakthrough. When a dear friend passed away from cancer three months ago, her testimony of faith demonstrated her desire to use her cancer to help others up until the very end. I was all the more determined to not waste anything the Lord has given me. When He instructs me to take a moment to ask someone how they are doing and how I can pray for them, I remember how much those words have meant to me. Sometimes people need a few words of encouragement and the truth of God's promises. God placed us here on earth with these trials that He has the power to use for His greater glory. I want to live more on purpose for His purpose even if it means I have to suffer in the process.
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NEW MERCIES
The Lord has given me this moment in this day. It is my choice how I live it. When the day is over and I lay down to slumber, counting blessings and handing over my heartaches, I choose to anticipate fresh new mercies that the morning brings.
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefor I will hope in him.'" Lamentations 3:22-24
