The Dare Part 2: Dare to Truth and Love, a Response to Social Unrest in Our Culture

THE REDEEMING SEASON

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace."  Ephesians 1:7

Recently, I have entered a season of redemption, gaining ground in my life and pursuing God's purpose.  In the first part of this "Dare" series, I explored the transforming power of God in my life as a social activist who was literally called out by God to transcend my worldly aspiration for activism into a desire to serve Him.  I have sensed His calling me to take a stand for the truth on some controversial topics.  The truth treads on dangerous ground and yet is redeeming and freeing at the same time.

About a year ago, I experienced God's prompting to pray more specifically for our country and some of the social issues we have been facing.   With the impending election, I felt troubled and was compelled to spend time on my knees petitioning on behalf of our nation.  Since then, I have experienced an increased desire to keep up to date on political and social issues of our time.  The presidential election and social responses to it has stirred up a myriad emotions across all social and political realms.  When I turn on the TV and social media, I have seen a tremendous amount of global and national unrest.  Global violence and rioting has been on the rise with concerns about terrorism, displacement of communities, persecution, martyrdom, oppression, sex trafficking, and deadly uprisings. National partisan divisions are intense when it comes to issues like political affiliation, women's health, abortion, immigration/refuges, social injustice, and race. I have witnessed differences of opinion across the board, including in the Christian church--differences that has the potential to bring division in the church body.  I have attempted to analyze these issues from various points of view and pray about all sides of this spectrum of controversy.  Our society is becoming more polarized in views, and it seems easy to jump to conclusions without getting all the facts.  In light of these events, I felt a burning desire to write about my perception on these issues, something I never dared to do before.  This Spring, KTIS Faith Radio was conducting their annual writing contest in which they were seeking stories about the issue of justice.  I felt compelled, even dared to write about global and national unrest, and this was my response.

DARE TO TRUTH AND LOVE

TV’s, smart phones, and laptops are tuned into the social unrest for the realities we engage from our modern technology lens of our worldview perception. The global nations rant, calling for blood and disunion.   A world devastated by terrorism, martyrdom, trafficking, and oppression.   A chaotic crowd of declarations screaming for social justice and change.  Our culture fractured for the encounter of division and detestation, riots and rage.  A culture of shattered voices tearing at the fabric of a fallen world unhinged by angst and indignation.  We are marginalized, dehumanized, demoralized, socialized, culturized, and polarized until some know not what we are fighting.  How do we speak hope to a nation divided by a realm of social media and misconceived realities?  How do we ascertain truth and justice from this maze of chaos for opposing views?  To prayerfully consider the articulate perceptions of all sides, by seeking truth and justice and by ignoring the name-calling polarizing rhetoric, I have come to the conclusion that our nation is hungry for restoration.  The balm for national offenses and bitter wounds calls for the Gospel to break through these collective walls and tear down our chaotic convictions for a level playing field built up by a Redeeming Grace that is foreign to worldly pursuits.

Heavenly mercies are the paradox for surpassing cultural and national dissention reformed by Sovereignty and Divine Purpose.  The God who calms the storm and stills the disorder calls out His children to be set apart for His purpose.    For our battle is truly not for “flesh and blood” and requires a converted armor of words that hold the sword power to pierce and redefine change by infinite wisdom and truth.   The battle is won only on our knees with hearts aligned with the unquenchable fire for God’s plans to be set in motion.  Let us bring out a new culture of Calebs, Daniels, Esthers, and Pauls; men and women brave enough to face their giants and bring about spiritual reformation in light of truth and mercy for “such a time as this.”  Turn our rage into “Damascus experiences”-- to emerge from the blinding, life-altering, and transcending call for justice and humble union with the Divine.  “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8)

Our pursuit for justice, kindness, and humility comes down to two things, Truth and Love!  These words are dangerous to a chaotic world of factions and partisan rifts.  It is a dare for all brave enough to rise above the frenzy and take a stand for the One who can truly redeem broken hearts and serve justice.  Dare to seek out the truth, the ultimate truth, even if it changes everything we once stood for—“and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).  Dare to unfold the truth in the founding of our nation in its pursuit for justice and religious freedom.  Truth in our history of oppression and social battles for justice and integrity.  Truth for the lies our culture breaths to achieve distorted agendas. Truth for the Love that surpasses all these realities and brings social change for the Purpose of the Divine.  Dare to love, fiercely and unconditionally, even if it costs us everything we once held onto—“above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8-9).   Dare to love the weary and the oppressed.  To love the old man lost in a haze of forgotten memories.  To love the child marred by abuse and disease.  To love the shattered woman who walked out of the abortion clinic, leaving behind a piece of her soul.  To love the refuge torn from her very livelihood to be displaced and traumatized.  To love in God’s name by His unending mercies and grace.

We are all really broken people, sojourners in a fallen world, trying to make it the best we know how, marked by the realities of sin and disappointment.  Ultimately, we are redeemed by God’s love that abounds and calls us out of our fragmented lives to bind ourselves to His steadfast love and mercy.  The nations are shaken by His Redeeming Love when we embrace the hope and the humbleness that the Redeemer has called us to serve and offer “these little ones even a cup of cold water”(Matthew 10:24).  When we pay it forward and sacrifice some of ourselves to fill the divide with truth and love, ultimate life-altering justice and social change transpires one merciful act at a time.  Although we cannot ourselves change the climate of our culture or its social unrest, by God’s grace and power, we are resurrected into a new culture of life changers and power breakers, and His miraculous splendor emerges for those who are transformed by this dare!

“In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  (Romans 8:37-39)

DARE TO EXAMINE THE HEART  

NFL player, Benjamin Watson expresses his perception that overcoming racial division and social unrest starts with the heart!

For more information about my perception on social issues, you can read the first part of the "Dare" series:  http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2017/05/the-dare-part-1-dare-for-redemption.html

The Dare Part 1: The Dare for Redemption, a Perspective on Diversity and Women's Issues

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven,"  Ecclesiastes 3:1

Our lives are marked by seasons and eras in which God works out His divine plan in the pages of our humble existence. The Lord has called me out on some very hard seasons in which I have wrestled through life experiences with what at times seems like a heavy load.  I can only come to the conclusion that He has some big plans for my life.  For five years I was in what I called a season of sovereignty.  For me a sovereign season was a time of rest and blindly trusting that God would carry through on His promises.  About a year ago, I sensed a shifting in my perspective in which He has been transitioning me into a season of redemption.  My season of redemption has been much more active, a time to gain back ground in many aspects of my life.  In this season, God has walked me through my past in order to address and heal through some of my painful experiences, and He is guiding me on new territory in my spiritual walk and in my writing.  I sense that God is calling me to speak the truth and take a stand on what is important to Him.

THE SOCIAL ACTIVIST

In the process of redemption, I have spent some time reflecting on the controversy surrounding our recent presidential election and the social demonstrations that followed as well as reminiscing about my experiences as a social work student at Kansas State University 20 years ago.  In those days, I was an impressionable young lady determined to become a world changer that would make a difference.  Entering into the Social Work Program, my eyes were opened up to new perspectives about our culture and social injustice.   I immersed myself in my classes about diversity, enthused to be an activist that embraced cultural and social enrichment.  One of my professors once told me that I had more passion about my research on diversity than most graduate students.  I sometimes sat in the cafeteria with diverse populations of students from other cultures just to get a taste of what it was like to be a minority, and I frequently had coffee sessions with the student association for gays and lesbians with a goal to understand their culture and educate others in the community about the social issues they faced.  When there was racial division in our classroom, I spoke up and read Maya Angelou poetry and literature from my women's studies class, attempting to bridge the gap regarding perspectives on white privilege.  I was passionate about what I believed and wanted to help others to see the world from the lens handed to me.

THE INFLUENCE OF WOMEN

There were three women who had a dramatic impact on my perspectives on diversity and women's issues while in college.  Each one of them was very different, and they influenced me in very different ways.  My first encounter was with an energized professor of social work who had a persona that exuded culture and grace.  Everything about her radiated with soul and beauty.  When the students of color called her Dr. McGowan, they illuminated with pride.  When Dr. McGowan spoke, the energy of her personality came out with flare, and when she called us "wise ones", I wanted to jump up and change the world!  She taught us about the term "cultural competence" and understanding worldviews from a diverse perspective.  Dr. McGowan encouraged us to educate ourselves about politics and social issues so we could meet with our representatives to discuss them competently.  When I expressed my desire to be a mediator between different political stances, my professor looked at me sadly and said that it would be a lonely road.  She seemed to understand the hardships of our unjust world, and she met those hardships with grace, dignity, and spirit.

Another woman who shaped my knowledge about culture and women's issues was my women's studies professor who went by her first name, Marlene.  Marlene was a quirky woman with a quiet unassuming spirit and identified herself as a lesbian.  She was passionate about working with women who were victims of domestic violence and rape.  She also counseled women on body image issues such as eating disorders and cutting, and held classes for smoking cessation.   She encouraged her students to get involved on campus and volunteer for social organizations.  She set up training and volunteer opportunities at the local women's shelter.  Marlene and I clicked right away because we both shared a love for poetry and literature.  When I took one of her master's classes on women's literature and culture, she educated us about other cultures and their worldviews that differ from our western worldview.  Marlene encouraged me to enter one of my essays, a pastoral look at hardship through the eyes of an impoverished South American culture, for a writing contest with the Sociology and Women's Studies Program.  She proudly stood by my side when I was awarded the honor for my essay at a department banquet.  Marlene was a gentle and humble woman who looked out for her students and got in the trenches to make a difference.

The third woman who influenced my perspective on diversity and women was a fellow student.  Brenda was a nontraditional student that wanted to make a difference through a career in social work.  Brenda was paralyzed from the waist down and used an electric scooter to get around.  She never let her physical impairment get in the way of what she wanted.  Brenda was passionate, funny, outgoing, and full of joy.  She loved to talk, and we would spend hours chatting on the phone.  Brenda considered herself to be a Christian and a feminist.  She wasn't afraid to be bold and share her views, and she was always up for a good debate.  We differed in our views about abortion because I was pro-choice and she was pro-life.  I remember debating the issue with her once, and she stopped me in my tracks as I was trying to defend a woman's right in certain circumstances to terminate pregnancy.  Realizing what I was about to say, she told me, "You mean what about babies with disabilities, right Darcee?"  I lost touch with Brenda after graduation, and I would love to reconnect with her again.  She was a very special friend and mentor to me!

MY "DAMASCUS EXPERIENCE"

"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you.  And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh."  Ezekiel 36:26

Three women influenced my life as I graduated college, ready to change the world!  I was an activist, a change maker, and excited about what life had to offer.  I had a chip on my shoulder towards religion as I perceived most Christians to be judgmental and limited in their thinking.  A week after graduation, I moved away to start a summer internship in northern Wisconsin and finish my electives through the University of Wisconsin Eau Claire.  In Wisconsin, I met my future husband, Mel, and experienced a dramatic turn of events.   My initial "Damascus experience" as I called it started one fall day around Thanksgiving at a Walmart in Eau Claire.  I was shopping with Mel feeling very lost and confused.  We were facing some difficult decisions about our relationship and future, and I was angry at God and with religion.  I vividly remember standing in the store, picking out a Christmas movie, when we were both struck with a feeling of God steering our choices, an experience I can barely describe with words.  I can only say it was a nudge, answer to a stranger's prayer--an answer that would change the entire course of our relationship, future, and faith.

In the next year and a half,  a lot had happened in our relationship.  We were living in the Hudson area, trying to turn our lives around and facing quite a few rocky moments along the way.  One night, just before Easter, Mel and I were at church together singing a worship song, when God spoke to both of us in different yet similar ways.  I felt like a young Samuel, when God spoke my name.  The conversation went something like this,  "Darcee, it's time."  ... Time for what? ... "Darcee, it's time.  I want you to do My ministry." ... What are you talking about?  People with think I'm crazy or a religious nut! ... "Darcee, it's time.  I want you to do My ministry."   

This conversation went on in my mind as Mel and I took our infant daughter and our niece, Mindy, on a drive through Birkmose Park.  I mentally said to God, I don't think I can do this.  How will people understand?  What will my family say?  Will they think I'm crazy?  What am I supposed to do?  God simply said, "Read My word and I will show you the way."  He wanted me to trust Him and read His word, simple as that.  That night, I resigned myself to His will feeling as though I was struck by a great light like Paul on the road to Damascus, I was suddenly filled with an incredible sense of peace and power in my spirit.  I remembered a similar feeling about thirteen years prior when I answered a call to make a profession of faith, but this time it was stronger and more vivid.  That night changed my life, and I was never the same.


A TWIST OF DESTINY

Since that night at Birkmose Park, my life was transformed and changed.  Mel and I eventually moved to a smaller town where we settled and grew our family.  We continued to attend the same church in which we experienced God's intervention, and He called upon both of our lives in very specific intentional ways.  I practiced as a social worker in the long-term care setting, and my ideals as a college activist were replaced with a desire to serve God.  I worked at a facility in the twin cities run by an organization that encouraged spiritual worship and prayer for the benefit of the residents.  I was conducting a weekly international prayer group for staff from various cultures.  What an incredible experience to hear various women pray in their native tongues!  I loved it, and I met some wonderful women from India, Ethiopia, Kenya, Sierre Leone, and other African countries.  They were true sisters of faith to me!

God had dramatically changed my heart and my worldview.  My objectives as an activist took on a twist of destiny five years after having a miscarriage that tested my faith, I was attending a church service when I heard a woman named Carla speak about her experience having an abortion.  Thinking about my grief over my unborn child and my past views on abortion, her testimony touched my heart in a profound way.  Somewhere along the way, I had realized that as a mom and a Christian, I was pro-life, but I never grasped what that really meant until I heard Carla speak.  Her testimony is here and speaks for itself.

THE DARE FOR "SUCH A TIME AS THIS"

That day, I approached Carla and explained how much her testimony impacted me.  A couple of years later, I reconnected with Carla on Facebook where she has actively discussed her stance on abortion.  I witnessed Carla's courage as she faced opposition from pro-choice and pro-abortion activists who called her derogatory names for saying that she regretted her abortion.  She also received criticism from a few extremists in the pro-life movement who told her she didn't deserve forgiveness for having an abortion.  Carla remained strong and unmoving in her faith, and she has been committed to love and show compassion for other women who have had abortions and are grieving.  She has also been passionate about educating others about the truth behind the abortion industry and the eugenics movement in our culture.  With extra time on my hands because I was home bound with a chronic health condition, I began to do my own research.  Carla suggested some resources and loaned me a few videos.  I was astounded by the roots behind our abortion industry and the racist eugenics agenda that was being swept under the rug by both our culture and the founder of one of the top abortion industries.  It was eye opening and shocking to say the least.

I was uncertain as to what to do with this enlightenment about the abortion industry, but I kept the knowledge tucked away until I had a better grasp of how to engage the next step.   As God has been moving me towards a season of redemption, I began to feel the nudge to do more and speak up.  Recently, I responded to that nudge and dared to take the first few steps of faith to take a stand for life and for truth.  It seemed like dangerous ground to tread, and I thought of Queen Esther who was called out to speak "for such a time as this" (Esther 4:14).  I have taken a step of faith to bring the truth about abortion and eugenics to light in a manner that does not to judge or dislike those who took the path of abortion or who are opposed to my views.  It is about loving others unconditionally, getting down to the facts, sharing the truth, and allowing God to do the rest.

A NEW PERSPECTIVE 

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."  Psalm 51:10

My worldview on diversity and women's issues were shaped by an enthusiastic and inspiring educator on diversity, a compassionate and unassuming women's studies professor, a dear college friend and mentor, and a humble woman courageous enough to say she regretted her abortion. When it comes to calling myself an "activist" or a "feminist", I choose not to align myself with a label or name that follows partisan affiliations.  I call my view on diversity and women's issues by what God's word says about it in Galatians 3:28:  "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are ALL one in Christ Jesus."  I believe this goes the same for all race and culture.  I align my views on life and humanity by Psalm 139:13, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  We are ALL beautifully made in God's image and ALL life and ALL people are precious and sacred in God's sight.  As for my previous affiliations with diversity and the challenges that go with it, I figure the gospel will cover that, and I don't worry about it because "ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23).  Regardless of what my current stance is on activism and social issues, I believe that Christ is the redeemer of ALL things and has the power to take these experiences and make them into something that points to His glory.  I don't need to be embarrassed or hide my past just as I am not ashamed to be the woman that I have become, transformed on my own "Damascus road", called out for "such a time as this" as a dare to simply tell the truth, and the truth has set me free!

EUGENICS AND ABORTION

 Eugenics is a belief that the human population can be improved by discouraging reproduction of humans with genetic defects or undesirable traits through means such as birth control, forced sterilization, and abortion.  Many are unaware of the eugenics movement in the U.S. including sterilization laws that were implemented and practiced up until the 1970's.  Our abortion industry was founded on these ideals by an organization called the American Birth Control League in 1921.  The American Birth Control League was later renamed Planned Parenthood.  The overwhelming evidence of this organization's desire to wipe out minority groups speaks for itself.  If you are pregnant and considering an abortion, know that you are not alone and there are organizations that can help you.  You can contact your local pregnancy resource center for support and assistance.  https://www.care-net.org/what-is-a-pregnancy-center

There are also resources the offer compassion and support for those who have had an abortion and grieving: http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/

For additional support and resources, you can contact Carla Stream directly by email at carlastream@gmail.com.

For more information about eugenics and the abortion industry, you can check out these links.

https://www.uvm.edu/~lkaelber/eugenics/

http://www.maafa21.com/

http://www.wral.com/news/video/9755940/

http://www.priestsforlife.org/africanamerican/blog/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLqIYtmWpaI

http://www.toomanyaborted.com/sanger/

http://liveaction.org/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7y2KsU_dhwI

The Bully Letters: from Broken Places to Redeeming Graces

A LETTER TO MY CHILDHOOD SELF

To the shy gangly ten-year-old girl who stepped out on the playground one fall morning, and a group of kids from your 5th grade class cornered you by the monkey bars.  One of them called out, "Hey Nutter, I hear you like nuts!"  Not quite understanding the meaning behind their derogatory remarks, you made a feeble attempt to defend yourself through their childish game of chanting and name calling.  Although you shrugged it off, a small piece of your innocence died that day.

In the years that followed, you tasted the bitter lesson that children are cruel and have little regard for your feelings as they elbowed each other and jeered at you with taunts and laughs.  They assaulted your beauty and intelligence with ugly names.  Their words followed you until you wished you could fade into the cracks of the invisible to disappear from their disheartening words.  Most of your teachers would turn a blind eye, and the one or two who tried to intervene only fanned the flame of cruelty to your shattered image.  

My beloved child, I wish that you could have seen yourself through the eyes of your Creator as the beautiful and precious girl you were.  I would have liked to have told you that it would be OK because it would or that in the end it wouldn't matter because it doesn't; but you will come to understand that words have power as they weigh you down and follow you.  You will have wasted too much of your life questioning yourself and pushing people away, a facade to protect those old wounds from reopening.  But God is bigger than the cruelty of childhood taunts and scars hidden away in shame like bitter secrets that don't seem to escape. God has a beautiful purpose for your pain and these damaging experiences will build you into something strong and glorious for His divine plan.  As you eventually reopen these wounds to allow the healing to begin, you will open your heart to His love and identify yourself to the One Who was mocked and beaten for your soul.  God wrote these haunting words on the book of your life, and transformed it into His beauty.

A LETTER TO THE BOY

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known."  1 Corinthians 13:12

To the bold and vivacious twelve-year-old boy who seemed to delight in my misery as you gathered your friends to call me "ugly", "stupid", "reject", "space cadet"... the words like fire into my veins until I could scarcely keep it all in.  One day in 6th grade gym class, you threw a basketball at me, hitting me like a load of bricks in the gut.  With breathless agony, I looked up at you, tears filling my blue-gray eyes, and I said to you, "I wish I was dead."  You looked at me with a jaunty stare and laughed.  At that moment, I realized that I believed all the disparaging things you and your friends called me, and I despised myself.  I longed to escape the ugly truth of the horror my life had become, and if I could I would have ended it all right then and there.  Our encounter generated a tormenting crisis of identity built on shattered images of self, loathing, and despair.  Did you know how your teasing pierced my soul and tore me apart inside?  Would you have cared if you understood the internal damage your words wounded?

Decades later, I would finally seek true healing in the bloody wounds for the One Who died to love.  Decades later, I received the news that you chose the path of pain and ended your life, and the truth once again hit me in the gut that my breath would be lost in regret for your sorrows.  What kind of pain did you know child?  What bitter lessons burst through your veins like scars and broken dreams?  If only we could turn back time and I could have lifted up the mirror for you to see the image before you of the One Who made you in His likeness, Who longed to write your name on His scars with "Not guilty, Forgiven, and Set Free"-- for the incredible creation He designed in your mother's womb because He loved you deeply and wholly just as you were, His beloved child.

A LETTER TO THE BULLIES

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."  Proverbs 18:21

To the nameless faces, the children and teens who seemed to build themselves up in tearing others down.  Your heedless words and careless remarks that chased me and followed me into adulthood were like poison, arrows to assault my self-esteem.  Could you imagine the searing lead behind your words or the damage they created?  My guess is that you grew up and matured from these childish pursuits and probably don't remember any of the pain they evoked.  Would it do anyone justice to hang on to these distorted images, to seek revenge, or to keep these bitter memories?  No.  Just as it would be futile to blame you or these experiences, what benefit is it for me hold onto them like a dagger to pierce the ignited fuel for hate?  The best gift I could give is those simple words, "I forgive you."  Not that forgiveness means forgetting or that it necessarily eases the pain of the memories.  But forgiveness is the anecdote for healing balm to sooth old wounds.  Forgiveness releases me from the shackles I have set myself to your words and heals the soul in stages of mercies.  Forgiveness releases you to your own path in which we will all someday be called to hold account for our words and actions.  Who am I to hold onto my judgement?  We all sin.  We all hurt others at some point.  We can only hold ourselves accountable, and when we are released from these burdens we build a solid foundation for something greater and more glorious than we could ever dream of.  That is the miracle of grace and redemption. 

A LETTER TO MY PARENTS


To the two people who loved your awkward daughter unconditionally, who never failed to tell me that you loved me.  You were role models for diligence, compassion, and forgiveness.  The heartache you must have felt in all those lost nights of sleep, for fear and worry for your hurting child.   You looked from the sidelines, helpless for the bitter lessons a child must carry through to grow and survive this fallen world of cruel words and harsh realities.  You stayed up with me when grief and fear consumed me, offering words of consolation and cups of hot cocoa.  You felt the pain of rejection when I shut you out and refused to unveil my wounds. Forgive me if I never stopped to say thank you for loving me and caring enough to see me through my teens. Sometimes I think you blamed yourselves and wondered what you could have done differently.  I know you would have done anything to spare me these sorrows, but for what others "meant for evil against me, God meant it for good." (Genesis 5:20)  God's reasons may not make sense to us but His story was written in the novel of these pages of heartache.  He takes our tribulations and passes them through fire to create something beautiful in His image.  He smites His beloved, and He had an incredible plan for all of us to come out of these broken places for His glory and grace.   His paradox for pain is our hope for crucified wholeness.


A LETTER TO FUTURE GENERATIONS

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person."  Colossians 4:6

To our children and the future generations that taste the bitter realities of facing their own "bullies."   Life isn't easy or fair, but we are never alone.  May the stories of redemption from our heartaches shine a light for you to see a glimpse of the image that God gives you for His fulfilled promises.  May you know He loves you with a passion that is like an unquenchable fire.  May you see yourself through His holy lens, that you are beautiful and perfect, the apple of His eye.  His Son redeemed you for His unconditional love so that you could taste a little eternity on earth.  Know that your value holds no bounds, and the thoughtless words of others will not hold a candle to the vastness of God's words to love and bind you to His grace.  To the incredible, smart, and articulate generation of youth.  You are above the petty, the ugly, and the hate.  You can make it.  Just hold on and hold fast to your faith, and God will see you through.

To those whose insecurity fuels your cruel words to sting and despair the seemingly weak and unsettled.  I pray that you find your redemption, that you would come to understand the power behind your damaging words and the consequences that follow.  You are also beloved in His sight, so turn to Him and He will expose the light to expel the ugly and distribute the grace that abounds for open hearts.  Sufficient grace can turn your anger and hate into beautiful redeeming love.  

FROM BROKEN PLACES TO REDEEMING GRACES

Today, our culture has raised more awareness than ever before about the consequences of bullying.  With nation-wide anti-bullying campaigns, we would think that our schools would overflow with peace and harmony.  So why do we see such tremendous demonstrations of division, bitterness, and violence fill our streets and rage our schools?  Why is suicide among our teens on the rise? Are we building a broken society with a broken generation marred by broken identities and families torn apart?  How do we bridge the gap that is shredding the fabric of our culture?   The only hope to bind these broken places is found in the wounds of God's redeeming graces.  As parents, our battle for grace starts on our knees as we plead for this generation and for a culture disfigured by cruelty and hate.  "What is impossible with man is possible with God" (Luke 18:27)  Just as God redeemed my battle scars for good, He can redeem this generation by His steadfast love and abounding grace.  May we be a gift of love for a hurting child, and by one loving sacrificial act at a time, we can pay it forward for God's fresh mercies.  Let us bring out a generation for hope and redemption built on love and truth as we allow God's light to shine through and create something new.

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."  1 Peter 4:8



For more about my perspective on bullying and healing through distorted teenage identities, you can read my commentaries on some of the poetry I wrote in my teens about these experiences.

http://dzehm2.blogspot.com/2017/02/the-ghosts-of-winter-melody.html

http://dzehm2.blogspot.com/2017/02/take-courage.html

Never Enough... to satisfy the cravings of the soul

THE LETTER

"As the deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God."  Psalm 42:1-2

One chilly afternoon, I stood in our kitchen holding the envelope my youngest son delivered from the mailbox.  I was trembling with anticipation and overwhelmed emotions as I ran to my bedroom to privately read the news.  The contents of that letter held what seemed like the very future for me and our family.  My concerned teenage daughter raced after me to find out what was wrong.  My shaking hands opened up the letter, sobs of relief pouring from me as I cried on her shoulder. All my worry and heartache were summed up in those pages, and it was finally over!  But was it?  The letter that suggested a favorable outcome indicated another wait was in store for us. "I can wait a while longer," I told myself.  By then, I felt like an expert at waiting.  I would continue dragging through the days bracing against the mounting tension that would be relieved with the final confirmation.  We didn't know what exactly to expect or how long we had to wait, but waiting we would do.   My heart beat the pace of expectation that very soon our prayers would be answered, and I could rest easy in the outcome.  

Two months later, I was sitting in the garden, breaking up the soil, and pouring my soul out in the stillness of quiet sunbathed labor.  I looked up from my dusky hands to see my husband holding another piece of mail, the outcome that held the answer to several excruciating years of prayers. Family members and friends had been rallying for us in this desert season.  Now it seemed like the rain had finally arrived.  My countless restless nights with a heavy heart were coming to an end. I anticipated this outcome to be the event that would provide stability to lift me up on solid ground.  I imagined the very moment that I would be praising God, my spirit dancing for joy.  But, when he opened the envelope and showed me its contents, I experienced an unexpected emptiness in my spirit, a dull ache that wanted to ask for more.  My mind began to run amuck with "what ifs", listing all the other needs we had.  At that very moment, I was startled with the stark realization that it wasn't enough.  It would never be enough.  

THE MEDAL

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water."  Psalm 63:1

On a sweltering August day, my husband and I stood before our flat screen television to watch one of the medal ceremonies for the 2016 Summer Olympics.  When we witnessed the legendary swimmer Michael Phelps receive yet another gold medal, my heart swelled with pride for America.   My thoughts were mingled with joy and sadness for the talented Olympian when unexpectedly the words came out, "I feel sorry for Michael Phelps."  My husband turned and looked at me with a puzzled expression and said, "How so?" It must have sounded strange.  Michael Phelps was the most decorated Olympian ever, an exceptional swimmer of epic proportions that no other athlete could touch.  Who was I, an unassuming and physically weak person, the complete opposite of this legendary icon, to say such an outrageous thing?

Just the day before, I watched an interview with Phelps, describing his battle with depression and substance abuse.  He openly shared his story, expressing his loss of identity when he entered into some of the darkest places of his life.  Later that day, in another interview, Phelps told reporters that he had been able to overcome his personal battle.  With a newborn son and a gorgeous fiance, his life had purpose and meaning.  I saw Michael Phelps's success as an outstanding Olympic swimmer and his desire to enjoy a satisfying future with both his wife and son as commendable objectives to achieve. I sincerely wanted him to experience contentment in his life, but would it be enough?

The truth is that as long as we look to success, status, and relationships for our happiness, we will end up feeling dry and empty inside.  When the spotlight is over, what is next?  It is human nature that our loved ones, our children, and our friends will eventually disappoint us and let us down.  When we look to worldly and temporary things for satisfaction, we will be left thirsty for something sustainable.  Worldly cravings will never be fully satisfied.  It is never enough.

THE HEALING

"I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands.  I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land."  Psalm 143:5-6

A couple of years ago, I was sitting at Faith Community Church listening to Pastor Porter preach on Mark 2:1-12.  I imagined the setting of this scripture as a crowded room stuffed with thirsty souls seeking the hope of healing and the redemption of a downtrodden people.  These souls were looking eagerly to this humble Man they didn't understand.  The outskirts of this biblical scene of captive eagerness was contrasted with the aloof disdain of the elite, too blind by their statutes and desire for status to see the glory of the God Man before them.  Outside this chaotic room, a paralyzed man beaten by the unfairness of his life was left an outcast in the dusty dry heat.  Looking for another way in, the man's faithful friends hoisted his weary body to the roof of the building and lowered him down before the Redeemer of Life, anticipating that He would heal this desperate man with His gentle and kind hands.

Astonishingly, things did not go as anyone expected as Jesus looked upon the man and said to him, "Son, your sins are forgiven."  (Mark 2:5) The scribes and Pharisees must have gasped in horror as they grumbled to themselves, "Why does this man speak like that?  He is blaspheming!  Who can forgive sins but God alone?"  (Mark 2:7)  Perceiving their troubled thoughts, Jesus looked to the scribes and asked them "Why do you question these things in your hearts?  Which is easier to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Rise, take your bed, and walk'?  But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins" (He said to the man who was paralyzed) "I say to you, rise, pick up your bed, and go home." (Mark 2:9-11) With his legs restored and his spirit overflowing with an elation that glorified God, the man was healed!  The air in that place must have been electrified with astonishment and wonder as the throng pondered over what they just witnessed, their minds whirling with unanswered questions.  Who is this Man and why did He tell the lame man his sins were forgiven instead of just outright healing him?

Pastor Porter pointed out that Christ, the Author of Life, perceived beyond the physical element of this broken man to penetrate the depths of his soul.  If Jesus only healed the physical self without addressing the deeper substance of his heart, would it have been enough or would the man be thirsty for more?  Would it be enough?  I sat in my chair breathless at the thought, pondering my own broken body.  Did I dare ask for healing again when it seemed like I hit one road block after another?  Why was Christ silent to my requests?  Why didn't He say to me, "Darcee, rise up and be healed!"?  Perhaps He was digging into the unseen, the ugly and sinful places found in the recesses of my heart.  Maybe He reached deep into my soul and saw something I couldn't.  Would I be satisfied if I was healed?  Would it be enough?  Could I trust in God's sovereignty to show me something greater than what my human nature craved so that He could teach me glorious things?  Maybe He saw a thirst in me that would not be fully quenched if I were to get my way.  Perhaps healing at that moment would not be enough.

THE BREAD

"Then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life.  Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.'" John 6:35

Two thousand years ago, the Messiah stood before the crowds in a desolate place, weary from the road of suffering and needing solitude to refresh His spirit.  Ignoring His own discomfort, the Lord pushed aside His needs with humble compassion for a multitude of lost humanity hungry for something they could not attain in their world of darkness and oppression.  He recognized not only their physical appetite for bread but their spiritual hunger for grace.  Imagine the bewilderment of His apostles when He commanded them to feed this unexpected dinner party of five thousand.  Five loaves of bread and two fish would never be enough!   "Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass, and taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing.  Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds.  And they all ate and were satisfied."  (Matthew 14:13-21)  

Later on the crowds came to Jesus seeking more of His miracle bread; their minds were unable to conceive the depth of their true hunger.  Calling them out for their motives Jesus told them, "Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you.  For on him God the Father has set his seal."  (John 6:27)  In ancient times, God gave His people the manna bread from heaven and now Jesus was offering the ravenous crowds the "true bread from heaven" when He announced, "For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." (John 6:33)  Jesus declared Himself the "Bread of Life", "For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life."  (John 6:40)  Their supernatural Bread stood before them willing to redeem, heal, restore, and satisfy them; however, they were not ready to be filled with the very Life that would ease their hunger.

It seems like I have spent most of my life stuffing my time with activities to occupy my mind, whether it be books, journals, television, movies, music, or games--anything for a diversion.  I have been restless with an innate hunger to fill myself to the brim as if to crowd out the intangible, avoiding something that was disquieting and insatiable.  Maybe I was emotionally fleeing from my past or drowning out the still small voice that was whispering for redemption.  How is it that when we fill our lives up, the more hollow we become?  Filled to emptiness, we miss out on that which can truly satisfy, the beautiful body of Christ offered freely to us by His gospel.  It is so simple yet how quickly we forget and miss it all together.  Our humanness can be blind to the Glory right in front of us, the Peace that surpasses understanding and is calling us to be set free from the chains of hollow distraction so that we can be filled by His unconditional love.  Without the "Bread of Life" it is never enough.

THE PROMISE

"Then he said to me, 'It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost.'"  Revelation 22:13

How many times are we consumed with the words "if only?"  If only, I would get that promotion.  If only we would break free from our debts.  If only I could lose 20 pounds.  If only our child would come back to us.  If only I would be healed.  The world offers us the game changers-- those unobtainable aspirations built on a facade of fruitless hopes and empty dreams that are never enough to satisfy the cravings of the soul.

Christ offered Himself up as the contradiction for a new game changer, the bleeding hope that resurrects itself from grave of sorrow to harvest the unexpected glory that offers a lasting promise of eternal satisfaction.  Out of death springs beautiful glorious life.  "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit."  (John 12:24)  All the Lord asks of us is to have the courage to love Him first so that when we let go of our worldly hunger and die to self, we can obtain the true "Bread of Life" that will produce a beautiful harvest that transforms our "light and momentary afflictions" into glorious spiritual fruit "preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond comparison."  (2 Corinthians 4:18)

Do I have the courage to quiet the diversions and be still my soul before the promised springs of living water for the things that are unseen and eternal?  Can I trust the Lord to fill those empty voids, cleaning out the cobwebs of my sorrows and pressing His wounds into my fractured dry soul thirsty for His fulfilled promises?  By the grace of God, fill me up daily with these promises that I will be satisfied and complete in Him.  He is enough!

"And let the one who hears say, 'Come.' And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price."  Revelation 22:17

Out of the Labyrinth Part 2: Lessons I've Learned from Chronic Illness

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29:11

On August 18, 2011, I started this blog, Broken Places, sensing that God wanted me to expose my physical, emotional, and spiritual brokenness to a hurting and broken world.  At that time, I was unaware of what was causing my physical symptoms and that I was merely on the edge of exploring the depths of true brokenness and suffering.  Two months later, my world was rocked when I listened to a radio interview about Lyme disease hosted by author and speaker, Susie Larson.  Awareness about Lyme disease changed everything for me, and the journey of exploring broken places and the labyrinth of navigating chronic Lyme and chronic illness began.  In my journey, I plodded through a deep and long valley requiring me to blindly follow my Shepherd through this labyrinth.

Now, here I am almost six years later, working on my 37th article and looking back at my experience.  As I view my journey from the mountaintop of fresh mercies, it feels surreal.  I am sitting here at my keyboard with a feeling of expectation and a sense of unexplained joy, like a warrior who has been in the pit of the battle.  A warrior burned in the fire that came out stronger and more confident.  A warrior who is walking on the holy ground of God's supernatural healing grace.   In my last article, I reviewed some of the steps I have taken to heal through the recovery and aftermath of being infected with Lyme disease several times over a period of approximately eight years.  Now, I would like to reflect on the spiritual journey I have embraced through God's supernatural guidance and loving grace that has been sufficient for the battle.

BREAKING FREE FROM THE STATUS QUO

When you struggle with a chronic health condition for an extended period of time, your concept of "normal" eventually shifts to adapt to your circumstances and limitations.  The "new normal" can become an acceptable part of who you are and can threaten to define you.  This is certainly what I experienced.  I felt like I was in a rut in which it was easier to be comfortable with my limitations than fight to gain ground back physically.  If I wanted more, wouldn't I be questioning God's sovereignty?  Maybe this was all there was and all He wanted for me.  Over a period of several years, I had numerous stressful circumstances weighing me down and other factors that were in place that seemed to be drowning out my fight and will to heal.  I think I was slowly giving up and giving in. The ice bucket of reality hit me when I was forced to move significantly backwards by two reinfections with Lyme disease in a six-month time frame.  With the second infection, a major relapse of symptoms woke up my desire for improved health.  I then came to realize that my thought process was distorted, and I was ready to take back my life.

GRIEF AND JOY

"Therefor, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."   Hebrews 12:1-2 

Just as there is a fine line between accepting a situation as a part of God's sovereignty and being motivated to seek new ground in the battle; there is also a fine line between grief and joy in suffering. Grieving a physical loss is a lengthy and complicated process, especially when it involves multiple layers and new losses through physical gains and debilitating setbacks.  Last winter, my grief became almost unbearable when someone from my church pointed out how much I have been robbed in my health struggles.  It hit me like a sack of bricks in the gut, and I felt groans of pain that words could never describe.  My deep piercing grief transformed into the foundation brokenness God needed to plant His seeds of transforming grace to manifest beautifully painful joy in my spirit.  Perhaps, that is a measure of why He allowed His beloved Son to endure unfathomable suffering.  His most precious Treasure was spit on, mocked, humiliated, beaten, tortured, and ultimately separated from God's love while being nailed to a tree--the most inhumane form of execution anyone has ever experienced.  Who can understand this sacrifice of grief, humiliation, and joy bundled up in a redeeming package?

I have witnessed various levels of grief from those who have battled chronic Lyme disease and have been astounded by the courage and strength many have demonstrated as they experience their individual battles.  On several occasions, these Lyme warriors shared their own experiences of making sacrifices to be thankful.  Some have been as bold to say they wouldn't trade their pain for anything because it gave them the opportunity to see God's transforming grace in their life.  They joyfully endure because they are sharing in Christ's suffering on the cross and recognize the harvest He is planting through this experience.  This a concept the world does not understand, yet God has the power to resurrect suffering and grief into a beautiful new creation.

AM I ALL IN?

When our lives are marred by circumstances beyond our control, we can throw our hands up in the air in either defeat or submission to the unseen and faithful Creator of the universe Who is ultimately in control of all things.  With the battle lines drawn, we are unable to change our circumstances, but we can change how we respond to them.   To be "all in" is a very personal spiritual experience in which we take the risk and "trust the Lord with all our heart" as we "lean not on our own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5). I have found that there is no cookie cutter step in this process, and that is the remarkable unexplained mystery of experiencing a personal relationship with the Lord.  When we take that leap of faith and jump blindly into the unknown waters of redemption, we experience the terrifyingly beautiful expanse of grace bestowed upon us by a loving Redeemer.

When I came to the crossroads of facing my "all in" faith dilemma, I tentatively tested out the murky waters of an unknown territory.  Could I endure with persistent faith in the steep uphill journey my Creator has called me even if I could not see an end in sight?  The kingdom path is treacherous, but for me it was the only path I could take.  When my health battle engulfed me years ago, I picked up the Bible to search for hope and answers.  Since then, I have read the entire Bible more than six times, read numerous Christian books and devotionals, worked through at least a dozen individual inductive Bible studies, and filled multiple notebooks and journals with prayers, personal thoughts/reflections, and lists. These aren't bragging rights, and it has been an extremely humbling experience for me to wrestle through my faith in this painfully real way.  These studies and reflections have been my anchor and connection to the Unseen--the Faithful One, the only one Who could truly understand the depths of my pain and need for Him.

ANSWERED PRAYERS

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7

Hebrews 1:11 says that "faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."  How do we have faith when our prayers go unanswered--our lives marked by weeks, months, or years of enduring and battling deep personal suffering?  I can testify to the heartache of plodding through unbearable times of seemingly unanswered prayers, stress and worry weighing me down like a load of bricks.   I tried different methods to offset these stressful moments and found the combination of a gratitude and prayer journal to be the best antidote to facing my fears of the unknown.  In taking writer and blogger, Ann Voskamp's, "joy dare", I have embraced her Eucharist ideology that "thanksgiving always proceeds the miracle" by making a conscious effort to give thanks in all circumstances.   I make bedtime my personal Eucharist experience when I take a moment to list the joyful gifts God has given as well as embrace the painful aspects of my spiritual walk, which Ann likes to call the "ugly beautiful."  Next to my gratitude list, I keep a list of prayers requests for specific things that I am wrestling through.  Any time something new comes up that causes me worry and stress, I write it down and give it to the Lord.  The last couple of years, my prayer list was compounded with numerous stressful events.  Sometimes it seemed like our family was being crushed by impossibly surreal circumstances that loaded my spirit with the weight of worry.  Tempted to give in to my worry, I endured these trials and kept bringing them back to the Lord over and over again.  Then, last spring, the answers to numerous prayers started to come in so swiftly, I felt breathless in awe at what the Lord was doing.  Looking back at those desperate words crammed in the pages of my journal with tiny check marks beside them, I find a tangible testimony of God's powerful sovereignty that brings all things together under His reign by His perfect timing.  The reality is that "in this world we will have trouble" but I will continue to "take heart" that my Redeemer "has overcome the world" (John 16:33).

EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL HEALING

              The emotional and spiritual journey of healing through chronic illness has been an agonizing yet rewarding process for me as I have blindly turned to God for His supernatural strength and hope to carry me through. As we carry our layers of grief, loaded by the traumatic events of our past and the burdens of guilt, we need a Redeemer to release these burdens from our spirit.  Just as our family friend and mentor, Ron, advised me to release all things to Christ and "nail it to the cross" because "that is what He died for", I have been grateful to have these burdens divinely lifted from my conscience so that I can truly experience the joy of walking free in the Lord.  I wasn't set free from my burdens of grief until I was torn down by hardship and disease to be lifted up by the hands that were once nailed to a tree so that I could trust in God's sovereignty free of guilt and insecurity. I now make it a regular habit to watch for the emerging tide of grief, guilt, and shame that threaten to encroach me so that I can prayerfully release them to the Lord through a process of sanctification and renewing the mind.  I also reflect on the attributes of the fruit of the Spirit, asking God to imprint my life with His "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23).  My journey of emotional freedom and embracing the gift of God's fruit has uplifted me to greater depths of joy and praise.  When I keep my eyes and my heart upward, I feel light, free, and at peace! 

OUT OF THE LABYRINTH

"Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!"  Psalm 31:24

 I look back at my labyrinth journey with few regrets because I know that God redeems all things.  His gentle scarred hands have the power to take the ugly and painful aspects of our lives and use them to sanctify us so that we are able to give back to this hurting world.  I pray that my story will testify others who are in the labyrinth to not give up as they look to the Redeemer of all things and find strength to keep going despite what barriers seem to hold them back. Recently, I have experienced a renewed stirring in my soul.  My heart is consumed with a burning desire to let go of the disease that has defined me for too long and to thrive in whatever new journey the Lord leads me to.  There is much to do and to live for, and I thank the Lord for my joyful resolve to move forward!

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, with my song I give thanks to him."  Psalm 28:8

For more information about my Lyme labyrinth healing journey you can read the first part of this article:  http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2017/01/out-of-labyrinth-part-1-healing-through.html

Here is the original reflection of my Lyme labyrinth experience:  http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2016/09/the-lyme-labyrinth-crushed-spirit.html

RESOURCES

I am not a doctor or an expert on Lyme disease. The information in this article is based solely on personal experience and discussions with other individuals who have struggled with Chronic Lyme disease and is not intended for purposes diagnosis or treatment.   For more information about Lyme disease and my journey, you can read the following articles I have written.

http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2012/12/chronic-lyme-disease.html

http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2012/11/enduring-winter-my-battle-with-lyme.html
 
http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2015/07/the-good-fight-my-lyme-relapse.html

http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-suffering.html

http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-suffering-2.html

http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-hope-nancys.html

http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-youth.html

http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2015/02/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-battle.html

Out of the Labyrinth Part 1: Healing through Lyme and Chronic Illness

"Bless the Lord, O my Soul and all that is within me, bless his holy name!  Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagles."  Psalm 103:1-5

In my last blog article, The Lyme Labyrinth, I explored the crushing labyrinth of my chronic illness in describing the raw pain that is experienced in battling this debilitating disease.   After years of seeking out God's sovereignty in my physical and emotional struggles with chronic illness, my life was once again completely flattened by a major relapse of Lyme in the fall of 2015.  It truly was a wake-up call, like a bucket of ice water to open my eyes to the truth of my situation.  Towards the end of my relapse, I saw a need to change my focus and perspective of my health and life.  Although I never lost faith, I saw a diminished reflection of hope and needed to recharge my drive to thrive.   With renewed resolve to move forward, I was determined to do whatever I could to fight back.

My healing journey through Lyme and chronic illness has involved a complicated process of unveiling layers of multiple root causes and using various disciplines and techniques for recovery.  As I reflect on my labyrinth experience, I would like to take a moment to look back at my chronic illness and the steps I have taken to heal through the recovery and aftermath of being infected with Lyme disease several times over a period of approximately eight years as well as touch on information that other Lyme warriors have shared about their healing journey.

LYME AND CHRONIC ILLNESS--BEYOND THE LABEL

When we experience health problems, we have this desire to name what is wrong with us, as if a name itself can bring healing and relief.  We feel validated when we have a label or diagnosis to describe our situation.  It is easier for me to tell people my diagnosis is chronic vertigo and fibromyalgia secondary to chronic Lyme disease rather than trying to explain my unusual list of symptoms.   When I finally did have an official medical diagnosis, I was relieved to have a name for my condition, but honestly these words just scratch the surface of the depth and complications of my situation.  Just the other day, I was having an online conversation with my Christian Lyme support group about this very subject.  Another warrior said that we can't blame Lyme disease on all of our symptoms.  Although many Lyme warriors respond to treatment, those of us who do not recover have common similarities in experiencing other chronic health problems that compromise our immune systems.    Chronic Lyme sufferers frequently describe battling multiple health issues such as hormone and electrolyte imbalance, leaky gut/imbalance in beneficial intestinal bacteria, pots syndrome, methylation issues/impaired detoxification pathways, histamine problems, mast cell disease, chronic inflammatory disease, and other autoimmune conditions. Lyme is also usually accompanied by other chronic infections, Lyme co-infections, and parasites that may require multiple approaches to alleviate.  I've stated in previous articles that Lyme is a conduit for other infections to take over the body and cause general imbalance of the body chemistry.   In these situations, we can be left behind with a mess of problems to address.

FINDING THE RIGHT PROTOCOL

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all."  Psalm 34:19

Chronic Lyme disease is a condition that many in the medical community deny its existence, and practitioners who are aware of this disease know that they are at risk for losing their medical license with practicing recommended medical interventions.  Treating Lyme is as controversial as the disease itself, and there are a myriad of options available if you know where to start.

Most "Lymies", as individuals in the Lyme community often call themselves, recommend getting tested through a company called IGeneX as the results are more accurate than the Western Blot and other CDC standard tests which often have false negative results.  "Lymies" also recommend you see a Lyme Literate Medical Doctor (LLMD) or a practitioner who specializes in Lyme disease.  LLMD's follow a specified symptom-based protocol for diagnosing Lyme disease and also specialize in identifying common co-infections and viruses that frequently coincide with Lyme. LLMD's will often use a combination of long-term antibiotic therapies and supplementation to treat the disease/co-infections and accompanied side effects and symptoms. Some Lyme warriors declare antibiotics to be the best course of treatment; however, there is much controversy over the side effects of long-term use of antibiotics. Some LLMD's may not take insurance, and insurance companies will not pay indefinitely for antibiotics which makes services and treatment protocols very expensive.   I think the use of long-term antibiotics should be a personal decision based on various individual preferences and other factors.

Another medical option for treating Lyme and chronic illness is finding a good functional medicine doctor or practitioner who is familiar with Lyme disease.  Functional medicine practitioners look at the whole person and often integrate both traditional and holistic approaches to medical care.  They tend to be more open to working with alternative practitioners and are understanding about controversial medical problems such as chronic Lyme.  There are some Functional medicine MD's that specialize in Lyme and other chronic infections.  Other individuals in the Lyme community have completely switched to herbal and alternative therapies/protocols such as the Buhner protocol, Cowden protocol, essential oils for healing, Bee Venom Therapy (BVT), infrared laser therapy, and  energy therapies.

Many of these protocols and therapies have been successful for treatment and recovery of Lyme disease but there is no approach that works the same for each person and their unique situation. When deciding on a Lyme protocol, I recommend researching options on the internet, joining an online/Facebook support group to discuss options with others who have been through it, and talking to individuals with expertise in Lyme disease. Taking these steps will make it easier to make an informed decision.  For those who haven't found the right option yet, I would encourage them not to give up, as I have seen firsthand that there is no "one size fits all" approach to treating Lyme disease and other chronic illnesses.

In the fall of 2011, I started Lyme treatment with a round of the antibiotic doxycycline, and then I tried the Buhner protocol using herbs for killing Lyme and other infections.  Both courses of treatment caused me to have adverse die off reactions and side effects that were debilitating.   At that time, I didn't have a Lyme practitioner to oversee my care, and I had a difficult finding an affordable LLMD that could get me in for an appointment.  I sensed that this was not the route for me because of expenses involved and my extreme sensitivities to chemicals, medications, and herbal remedies.  After doing some research and spending a considerable amount of time in prayer, I chose Field Control Therapy (FCT) as my preferred treatment plan as it was less invasive and seemed to be the best option for my situation.   I also have received medical evaluations from a traditional medical doctor who practices functional medicine and has been very supportive of my treatment plan.  I feel very fortunate to receive excellent care from multiple disciplines.

MOLD AND OTHER TOXINS

I have had conversations with several individuals with chronic Lyme who also have chronic health issues related to exposure to mold and other toxins.  Toxic mold exposure is very damaging to the body and nervous system and can have similar effects to the body as Lyme disease itself.  There are various types of mold, both indoors and outdoors.  It is impossible to avoid mold all together but critical to identify and alleviate the problems to the best of our ability.  It is also important to decrease our exposure to chemicals, air fresheners, and perfumes as we are healing our bodies, brains, and nervous systems.  Using natural fragrance free products and cleaners can help alleviate this problem.  I avoid household chemicals such as chemically based cleaners, bleaches, air fresheners, and fabric softeners.   I also use a lot of personal products and soap that are hypoallergenic and declared to be "free and clear."  I make it a point to read labels in order to reduce toxic exposure in the house and on my body.

CHOOSING A DETOXIFICATION PLAN  

Lyme disease carries various toxins which are released when the spirochetes die off, causing an adverse reaction of very unpleasant and sometimes frightening symptoms.  This process is called Jarisch-Hersheimer or herxing.  For this reason, a good detoxification protocol is often recommended for fighting Lyme and chronic disease.  Some individuals use natural therapies and supplementation for detoxification such as essential oils, activated charcoal, and coffee enemas.  Field Control Therapy provides a gentle non-invasive and uniquely personalized energy-based detoxification process that helps the body to stop the vicious cycle of recycling toxins through the system.  The inability to effectively eliminate toxins is a common problem with individuals who have impaired detoxification pathways.  Because many detoxification protocols can cause herxing and other side effects, I recommend using them with the supervision of a Lyme practitioner.    

I spend the first part of my morning using inexpensive natural means to enhance my detoxification process.  Upon awakening, I drink a dash of raw organic apple cider vinegar in a glass of bottled water enhanced with minerals from a Himalayan rock solution.  This replenishment beverage rejuvenates me and gives me energy to start my day and the detoxification process.  Then, I spend a brief amount of time on a rebounder and use dry brushing to activate my lymphatic system so that my body more easily detoxes.  Afterwards, I take a natural detox bath using products such as epson salts (though I don't personally use epson salts, many prefer this method of detoxification), apple cider vinegar, baking soda, or organic ginger spice.  While in the tub, I do oil pulling therapy using organic unprocessed coconut oil to pull out oral bacteria.  At breakfast time, I juice organic vegetables for further optimization of my detoxification.  Our bodies do most of our detoxing before 10 AM so it is important to do these protocols first thing in the morning before eating anything.  

COMPLIMENTARY THERAPIES 

There are many complementary therapies that may work well with Lyme protocols such as homeopathic therapies, acupuncture, massage, and chiropractor care.  I would caution individuals in using some of these therapies while actively treating Lyme as they all will release toxins and may be too much for the body to handle at once.   The ability to tolerate complementary therapies is based on the individual's body chemistry and over all reaction to the therapy, and it might be a better option  to start them after completing antibiotics and other Lyme therapies.   Since I am done with treating Lyme disease and other co-infections, I am currently in the recovery stage of rebuilding my immune system and repairing damage to my nerves.  In addition to the alternative therapies to help in this process, I take various mineral supplements to enhance my overall immune system and health.   I also routinely see a chiropractor who specializes in cranial sacral therapy for a previous head injury that has contributed to my vertigo and other neurological symptoms.  Cranial sacral therapy does release toxins and it usually takes me a few days to recover from a session so my alternative practitioner has me take a personally designed FCT protocol to help my body to process and eliminate these toxins.  

DENTAL HEALTH

Good dental health is also important for treatment and recovery from Lyme and chronic disease.  When we have an active infection in our mouth, it further compromises the immune system.  Dental amalgams comprised of mercury, metal implants, and root canals can also contribute to the problem; however, there is controversy in the medical and dental community regarding the harm of amalgams and other dental procedures.  Several years ago, my immune system was compromised by an underlying infection surrounding my metal crown, and I also experienced some unusual side effects from my dental amalgams and implant metal. When the infection around my metal crown spread into my neck, I made a dentist appointment to have the infected metal crown removed and replaced with porcelain.  It took me approximately 3 years to save up the money to address all of my dental problems.  Unfortunately, my hesitation to take care of them right away caused a delay in my physical healing. Although it took time to recover from the procedures, I did not regret my decision to safely remove all amalgams and other metal from my teeth.  For those who would like to take a serious look at these issues, I recommend finding a biological/holistic dentist or someone who at least has the proper equipment to safely remove dental amalgams as the mercury vapors can be released into the mouth which can be dangerous for both the patient and the dental staff.  To find a holistic dentist in your area, you can search this website:  http://www.holisticdental.org/

NUTRITION AND DIET

When battling Lyme, our physical system and body chemistry can become compromised, and inflammatory foods may exacerbate symptoms.  Lyme disease and antibiotic therapy often have a dramatic effect on the intestinal tract, causing an imbalance of beneficial bacteria and an overgrowth of candida.  Candida and leaky gut can wreak major havoc on the body and immune system, leading to food allergies and sensitivities, anxiety, and neurological side effects.  I have struggled with multiple food sensitivities for several years which increased in severity during my relapse in 2015.  Although I did not eat any fruit, grains, or sugar, the candida in my system was reacting with natural sugars from starchy vegetables in my diet producing acetaldehyde (a byproduct of alcohol) causing me to have severe brain fog, vertigo, and other neurological problems. My body was having difficulty processing foods high in sulfur and was converting the sulfur to ammonia and formaldehyde.   My practitioner put me on a anti-inflammatory paleo and ketogenic diet in which I severely restricted both foods high in carbs and sulfur.  My practitioner also expressed concern that my immune system seemed to be attacking my myelin which was causing nerve damage and a disruption of communication in my brain and nervous system.  He told me that consuming fats was the best way to rebuild myelin.  I significantly increased my intake of healthy fats by incorporating organic unrefined olive oil, ghee (clarified butter), and organic lard in my diet.  My practitioner put me on evening primrose oil as well as omega 3 and 6 essential fatty acids to expedite the process of rebuilding my myelin.  Although the diet changes seemed to be helping, I felt I needed to make more alterations to enhance my diet.  Last spring, I started the Gaps (Gut and Psychology Syndrome) diet in order to heighten the healing of my intestines, brain, and nervous system as well as rebuild my immune system.   I have found nutrition to be a critical element of my healing process.  Over time, I have retrained my body to appreciate food for its nourishing quality. My tastes have changed dramatically in which I could enjoy good high quality nourishing foods without craving sugars and other potentially damaging foods that inflame the body and suppress the immune system.

ELECTROMAGNETIC FREQUENCIES

I would have to say that the most bizarre and difficult aspect of coping with chronic Lyme has been my severe sensitivities to lights and electromagnetic frequencies (emf's) from fluorescent lights, electronic devices, computers, cell phones, satellites, and especially WiFi.  It makes it very challenging for me to travel and visit public places that have strong emf's such as hospitals and schools.   Some Lyme practitioners encourage their patients to take whatever measures they can to reduce emf's by shutting off/removing WiFi, unplugging microwaves and other appliances, limiting cell phone/tablet usage, and using the speaker phone feature instead of putting the phone by your ear.  We made some dramatic changes in our household to address my emf sensitivities. First, we got rid of all of our fluorescent lights and replaced them with traditional bulbs.  We did some frequency testing in my house to locate the most significant problem areas.  As result, we took the TV and other electronic devices out of our bedroom and removed all of our cordless phones.  We also purchased specific devices for our house and my cell phone to help with these sensitivities.  We have experimented with veterinary magnets that we have placed on the electrical box outside of our house, and we strategically placed the magnets in specific areas of the house and our vehicles. We tried shutting off our WiFi when we weren't using it but my sensitivity was severe enough that we made the decision to remove it all together.  When I joined a chronic Lyme online support group, I was surprised to find out how many people share in similar struggles, although the level of sensitivity varies from person to person.

EXERCISE AND REHABILITATION

In my last article, the Lyme Labyrinth, I described recovery from Lyme as "rebuilding from the ground up."  Years of battling Lyme, co-infections, and other pathogens left me with low muscle tone and a weak body.  In 2011, I was participating in a fairly aggressive physical therapy program that specialized in vestibular therapies for vertigo and balance disorders.  When I initially started treatment for Lyme disease, I had to stop the program all together.  I attempted several times to start up my exercise program but pain, weakness, tachycardia, air hunger, vertigo, and other neurological symptoms were significant barriers for me.  After my relapse in 2015, I was determined to fight back and rehabilitate my body.   I used my local online library consortium to find exercise books and videos that were low impact and were adaptable for my physical impairments.   I started off with basic stretches and breathing exercises.  At first, muscle cramps, weakness, fatigue, and vertigo slowed down my progress but I did not give up.  With a few alterations, I have been able to work up to a vestibular physical therapy program comparable to my previous exercise program.  I am currently working on building muscles and core strength as well as counteracting my chronic vertigo and correcting issues with my posture and spine.  Good posture and stomach breathing is excellent for relaxing the parasympathetic nervous system and helps regulate breathing. In addition to rebuilding my strength, I am hopeful to build up my endurance so that I will be able to eventually start walking again without needing a wheelchair and other devices for longer distances.

EMOTIONAL FREEDOM

"Why are you cast down, o my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." Psalm 42:11
  
Our emotional health is an essential aspect of breaking free from the labyrinth of chronic disease.  I believe this area can be easily misconstrued or distorted in our healing journeys.  I have spoken with several individuals who were misdiagnosed with mental illness during the process of seeking a diagnosis for their chronic health issues.  Unfortunately, these brave warriors have been weighed down with unnecessary guilt and grief, questioning the legitimacy of their debilitating symptoms. There are major emotional components involved in this very complicated labyrinth of symptoms and stressors which can cause anxiety, depression, and hopelessness.  I think it is important to unveil the source or root cause of these emotional symptoms.

The emotional element of my personal healing process involved bio-chemical and hormonal imbalances that have taken time to resolve through diet, supplementation, and energy therapies.  Additionally, it was necessary for me to sort through layers of emotions and grief as well as coping with a chronic condition that has robbed me from certain aspects of living a "normal" life.  This has been a very personal spiritual journey for me as God has helped me to unveil these layers of grief and release them through forgiveness, meditation, prayer, and simply having the courage to let them go. Over the summer, my alternative practitioner started working with me on emotional freedom and healing through grief and past traumatic events.  The initial phase of this process was rather emotional for me, and I felt both physically and emotionally exhausted afterwards. As I navigated through process of letting go and releasing these emotions from my conscious mind, I experienced a supernatural peace in my spirit as though a heavy weight was lifted off my soul.  It has truly been a wonderfully joyful and freeing experience for me.

 I believe that our conscience holds on to certain information that can block or act as barriers for our healing.   I am NOT in any way saying that the individual is to blame for their illness or struggles.  I want to encourage those who are struggling with chronic health concerns and feel stuck in their situations to let go of the guilt and self-blame, as this type of thinking can be both physically and emotionally draining.  Unveiling these barriers is a slow process in God's timing as He knows exactly what we need and has a greater purpose for us in the process of discovery.  Forgiveness is a critical first step, as we take time to forgive ourselves, others, and God.  Then, we can truly open our hearts to the love of God and His healing power.  Trust that God will reveal in the right time what needs to be done.  Only God knows when we are ready to release our hurts and griefs.  In trusting our gentle and loving Redeemer, we can can find emotional freedom one step at at time.  Christians sometimes call this process renewing the mind or finding freedom in Christ. Others may call it emotional freedom techniques (EFT), the power of intention, or practicing mindfulness.  Whatever we choose call it; God wants us to let go of our past and be free!

MOVING FORWARD

"O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me... you spared me from going down to the pit."  Psalm 30:2,3b

Recovery from Lyme and Chronic Illness has been a very complicated and lengthy process for me, navigating through a labyrinth of symptoms, processes, moments of healing, and multiple setbacks.   Exploring new venues for exercise, nutrition, cranial sacral therapy, relaxation techniques, emotional freedom, and a taking a fresh look at my spiritual walk has complimented my continued pursuit of healing through holistic means.  In this process, I have enhanced peace and contentment in my spirit, renewed my energy, and embraced more clear thinking.  My metabolism has stabilized, and my immune system is stronger.  I'm slowly gaining strength and endurance, and I pray that my sensitivities will continue to improve and eventually resolve themselves as my body continues to heal.  About a year ago, I renewed my grit and determination for something better, believing that God wanted more for me.  I am ready to move forward and embrace new territories of healing in my journey and use my experience to testify to others what God has done in my life!

"For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord."  Jeremiah 30:17a

For more information about my healing journey from a spiritual perspective, you can read the second part of this article:  http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2017/01/out-of-labyrinth-part-2-lessons-ive.html

RESOURCES

I am not a doctor or an expert on Lyme disease. The information in this article is based solely on personal experience and discussions with other individuals who have struggled with Chronic Lyme disease and is not intended for purposes diagnosis or treatment.

To find a Lyme Literate Medical Doctor (LLMD) in your area, you can search here:  http://ilads.org/ilads_media/physician-referral/

To find out more information about Lyme disease and raising awareness, you can visit the ILADS website:  https://www.ilads.org/

 For more information about Lyme disease and my journey, you can read the following articles I have written.

http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2016/09/the-lyme-labyrinth-crushed-spirit.html

http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2012/12/chronic-lyme-disease.html

http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-suffering.html

http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-suffering-2.html