"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank him." Psalm 28:7
Our lives are songs composed by the breath of our Creator who purposes each stanza woven perfectly by His divine melody. The life melodies of some of us are soft, sweet ordinary tunes, while others wow us with their more elaborate compositions. For Pennie Bixler, the melody of her life has been designed a complex and beautiful mixture of a haunting ballad mingled with the redeeming song of transformation and courage. Known as a mid-western wife, mother, writer, ministry leader, and gorgeous blond who loves adventure/getting into mischief, and is on a quest for finding hearts in ordinary objects to remind her of Jesus's love, Pennie is anything but ordinary!
Pennie resides in Western Wisconsin with her husband of twenty five years, Mike, and their dog, Angel. They have a daughter, Bridgette, who attends college in Southeast Minnesota, and a son, Aaron, who lives in heaven. Pennie is the founder of a ministry known as Sammys (Strength Among Many Ministry), which has been in existence for eighteen years and has chapters across the state of Wisconsin and North Dakota. Sammys is also hoping to take off in other states such as Florida and Minnesota. Pennie would like to expand her ministry to unite women in creating a deeper relationship with Christ across the nation. In addition to leading Sammys, Pennie is also a Biblical Counselor where she enjoys seeing God move in people's lives, transforming them to be more like His Son, Jesus Christ.
An outsider may perceive the Bixler family as having an ideal life of love, laughter, adventure, and the perfect model of Christian living. Pennie would be the first to say that it is far from the truth. "I'd like to say we have lived happily ever after, but the Bible isn't a fairy tale. In fact, Jesus says that we will have trials in this world. Thankfully Jesus also says that He has overcome the world, because I have had some major trials since I have become a Christian!"
A FRAGMENTED LULLABY
"You keep track of all of my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8
Pennie describes her childhood being full of heartache and painful memories. With being the second to youngest of five children, she looks back on her attempts to stand out and be noticed at a young age. "I was a four year-old girl, a hypochondriac like many little girls my age, limping on a foot that I bumped ever-so-lightly on a chair and moaning. When my sister told me I bumped the other foot, I switched to limping on the other foot. I was that little girl."
As a child, Pennie was sexually molested, which later on led her to dabble into drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol. "I have had a potty mouth, been promiscuous, and done many things in which I was ashamed. I have not only sinned, but felt like the poster child for other people's sins. I have broken every commandment in spirit or deed."
Pennie was a broken woman living out the fragmented lullaby of her youth, and she entered into an abusive relationship with her previous husband who she married at the age 20. Her first husband was an alcoholic. "I needed a Savior to deliver me not only from my sins, but also from the destruction that others' sins have poured out on me. There was a point, married to an abuser, that I was just numb. My tears had dried up, and I wasn't really affected by my horrible life anymore. It just... was."
A SONG OF REDEMPTION
"Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return, O my soul to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling; I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 116:5-9
Pennie's marriage continued to turn a downward spiral as her first husband was having an affair with another woman and the abuse became so severe, it was life-threatening. She was in a dire situation and desperate for a way out. An unexpected encounter instigated the hope and redemption she needed to be set free from not only her abusive marriage but her own tragic and sinful past.
Pennie was hired to paint a mural of Noah's ark on the wall of a church's nursery. Little did she know that the church had been praying that anyone who came through their doors would come to know Jesus, and that was where it all began. Pennie came to know the pastor's daughter through a divine series of events, and they became best friends. She started attending church and hung onto every word the pastor spoke, taking voracious notes. Her friendship with the pastor's daughter and the word of truth that was delivered to her hungry soul renewed Pennie's tattered heart. "I saw myself through her eyes as God would see me for the first time! I already knew that Christ died for my sins and I felt responsible for His suffering, but I never knew he was coming back! Those parts of the Bible fascinated me and I couldn't get enough. It was in that church in the middle of nowhere that I accepted Christ about five times, just to make sure it 'stuck.' My friend and I were ironically baptized in Lost Lake."
Pennie's song of redemption completely turned her life around and gave her the courage to leave her abusive marriage. One night, she called and gave him an ultimatum over the phone. Pennie stayed at her friend's house when he threatened her and told her what he was going to do to her when she came home. She never went back and ended up getting a divorce. As a born again Christian, Pennie embarked on a new path when she began dating a godly man from her place of employment. They eventually married and started a family of their own. In these circumstances, she witnessed God's goodness. The Lord was capable of redeeming her life and restoring her pain by transforming all that was marred and shattered into a beautiful image of His likeness.
THE BALLAD OF SUFFERING
"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12
The Bixler family was the picture of happiness with two beautiful children and a marriage united under the blessings of Christ's love. If Pennie thought that being a Christian meant that everything would be perfect and harmonious and she would finally be spared the pain and suffering of her youth, she would taste the bitter pill of reality one day when she noticed tingling in her feet. What started out as a joke that her socks were too small became a greater concern when the tingling began to spread. "Mike and Aaron went on a trip that morning, and when I went to church, I felt the tingling go up my entire right leg. It was like the outside of my whole leg fell asleep. I touched it and couldn't feel it. I remember singing worship songs and a tear falling because I figured the next time I would be singing these songs would be in heaven with the angels. Something was really wrong, but I did what I always did. I told nobody."
The following day Pennie noticed that the numbness and tingling spread, and she could not feel half of her body from her feet to her face. She could move everything but couldn't feel anything. This was very alarming for Pennie and she told herself she didn't have time to deal with these unusual symptoms. "I had too many things to do. I was making cards for soldiers with my friend and our daughters and I was taking Aaron into GameStop so he could get Bridgette a game she wanted for her birthday. What kind of mother would I be if I didn't encourage that kind of loving behavior from a brother to a sister?"
Pennie did open up to her friend while they were making the cards, and the friend convinced her to call the clinic to make an appointment. They insisted that she come in later that day at dinnertime which gave Pennie a chance to take Aaron in to get his sister's game beforehand. When they were on their way to the store, she called her husband Mike to ask him to make supper and then mentioned what was going on with the numbness. Needless to say, Pennie got a scolding from her husband for not letting anyone know.
Pennie told the doctor that she thought she either had a pinched nerve or had a stroke but "obviously it's over." The doctor explained to Pennie why it couldn't be possible to have a pinched nerve or stroke that would cause the type of numbness she was experiencing and asked her to come in the next morning for an MRI. When she went back for the results, Pennie brought a friend along but wanted to face the doctor alone. Her gut instincts told her it wasn't going to be good news. Pennie connected with her doctor immediately and felt reassured to find out she was a Christian. They prayed together while waiting for the radiologist report. At that appointment, Pennie's life was changed forever when the report came back with lesions on the brain and a diagnosis of MS which was verified through a lumbar puncture and other less invasive tests. The news was devastating for Pennie and her family but God would see them through.
"Since that time, I have been humbled over and over again. I thought it was the end of the world when I had to give myself weekly injections. Then, I thought it was the end of the world when I had to do it three times a week. When I lost sight in part of my eye, I thought that was going to be the beginning of blindness, but my sight came back. The difficulties seem to be progressing in difficulty, but each time God brings me through a physical ailment, it strengthens my faith and I am less concerned about the present one I am facing. Having pain every day has made me strong. When I am weak, I am strong. I get that verse in a way I have never understood before. Being brave and not a complainer is not as easy as it sounds."
TRANSFORMED INTO A NEW SONG
"Make a Joyful Noise to the Lord: Oh sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things! His right hand and his holy arm have worked salvation for him." Psalm 98:1
God's sovereignty has been a life-lesson in playing out this composition. She calls the "big wild card" in His sovereignty trusting the Lord. Pennie trusts that God is who He says He is, a loving and compassionate God who loves his children. "There is a verse that is taken out of context very often that says 'And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.' (Romans 8:28). We have made that verse to mean that all the bad stuff that happens to us will magically knit itself together to make a pretty package of blessing for us and we will get the treasure trove wrapped in a pretty bow at the end. Many of us don't realize that the word 'good' is translated as 'Christ likeness' not 'excellent quality', 'morally excellent', or 'righteous.' All those things we are enduring, God works together making us like Christ."
Living in the light of God's sovereignty has transformed Pennie's song into a mission to point others to the one who loves her despite her sinful past and all the suffering she has endured. "Every hardship I've endured is not necessarily one I would choose for myself. Many of them, I'm pretty sure God didn't choose for me, either, but He has worked them together to make me more like His Son. I am so grateful that good has come from them. My personal mission is to shine the light of Jesus in everything I do. When somebody sees me, I want them to see Jesus. If they don't know me, I want them to notice that something is different about my heart. I don't want to point to myself, but to Jesus. My ministry mission is to reach the St. Croix Valley women and teach them to have close, holy relationships with Christ and each other, and that God would be glorified through it."
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the king eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen." 1 Timothy 1:15-17 (Pennie's life verse)
To learn more about the Bixler family testimony:
http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2019/04/a-redemptive-melody-aarons-
For more information about the Sammy's ministry, you can visit their website:
story.htmlhttps://www.sammysinc.org/about/
