THE GOOD FIGHT
Lyme is one of the most controversial diseases of our time. Some say that when you become infected with Lyme, you will always carry the disease. Others say that once Lyme passes the blood brain barrier and overtakes your body, there is no cure to treat it. Many deny that Lyme is a serious health condition or a chronic disease. There seems to be a multitude of opinions and perceptions of how you get the disease, how the disease manifests itself, and how it should be treated. Lyme is more than a news story or a statistic. I have personally encountered numerous testimonials of individuals who demonstrate courage as they put up the "good fight" in battling this debilitating disease. When I engage in the experiences of Lyme sufferers in my Lyme support group, I am sometimes disheartened by their struggles as well as encouraged by their small victories. Many share stories of sorrow and loss mingled with beauty and hope. A teenage girl describes what it is like to be completely bedridden with a feeding tube, debilitated by late-stage Lyme. A former marathon runner shares with me how she can't get used to depending on her husband to take care of her and their children. A young mom suffers from depression after being forced to give up her successful career because her body is wracked with pain and weakness. She expresses how God has blessed her with the opportunity to serve her family from bed. These stories have touched my heart and have inspired me to keep speaking up about the disease.
My own story of the "good fight" involves years of compounding health struggles related to cervical/head trauma as well as battling Lyme and other chronic infections. I was originally diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2011. At that time, we suspected I had carried the disease for at least 2 years. Although I have been yet to fully recover, I have made steady improvements by treating various pathogens and infections with alternative therapies. Unfortunately, I experienced my greatest setback this summer when I was re-infected with Lyme and had a relapse of the disease.
THE STORY OF MY LYME RELAPSE
Early June, I discovered a tick embedded in my right foot. The night before, my husband came home from working in a wooded area and he suspected that the tick had been on his clothing. After removing the tick, I immediately contacted my practitioner as I wanted to be proactive about any possible infections. Three days later, a small ring formed on my foot. The infected area was very painful, and I was unable to wear shoes at the time. Severe pain spread up my right leg limiting my ability to bear weight and impairing my mobility. My practitioner had just implemented treatments for Lyme and other co-infections. By the end of the week, I began to experience piercing pain and intermittent numbness in my extremities. In an attempt to walk out to the end of the driveway to get the mail, I suddenly was overwhelmed with weakness and my legs gave out. Then, my legs went numb and I ended up having to scoot back to the house unsure if I would make it across my driveway. Soon after that, I began to lose the ability to walk on my own. Determined to maintain my mobility, I used a seated wheeled walker to get around. Sometimes, I sat on it like a wheelchair and scooted around the house. Other times, I leaned against it, my legs clumsily dragging behind me as I moved about. I also experienced muscle tremors, increased difficulty focusing, facial numbness, periodic slurred speech, and momentary challenges with speaking. My practitioner told me I was herxing (a reaction to the dead bacteria overloading my system) and stopped treatments a couple of times to treat me for neurological issues from the herxing. I was shocked at how fast things went downhill and questioned if the rapid progression of symptoms was because I had previously been infected with the disease. I reassured myself that these symptoms were normal and would get better with treatment. It was extremely difficult for my husband and children to see me in pain and struggle so much with walking. For me, the relapse brought back vivid memories of the first time I was treated for Lyme; however, God revealed to me how much I have changed since then, and these experiences with Lyme engaged me on a Spiritual Journey. My journey has been one of despair balanced with faith and hope.
MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY WITH LYME
My journey with chronic disease and Lyme involves so much more than symptoms and health struggles. These experiences have strengthened my faith and marriage, and they have taught my children to be more compassionate towards others. This Spiritual Journey has engaged me in the "good fight"-- the transforming power of sanctification as the Lord works through my weakness and despair. This is how God is transforming my life and my family through our experiences with Lyme.
Something Worth Fighting For
"For the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you victory." Deuteronomy 20:4
The journey began four and a half years ago when I found myself in a place without hope. I was semi-bedridden with Lyme for about six weeks and completely gave in to the disease, honestly believing that I wouldn't make it. God allowed me to come to a place at the end of my rope and then He lifted me up. He showed me His vast immeasurable love for me by carrying me through those dark times. Now, I refuse to let the disease win or take me back to that place of hopelessness. I am ready to fight for my family. I look at the beautiful faces of my three children and know they are worth the fight. I am moved by the deep compassion of my husband whose loving arms lift me up and carry me when I am too weak to walk, and I yearn to be well for him. God understands my weakness as I struggle with the strength to get up and fight. He knows that I have something worth fighting for and I'm not going to give up. I will serve my family, and I will have a reason to try, even when the fight leaves me and weakness takes over. God carries me with His love, and He fights for me when I can't do it on my own.
The Thief
"The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10
Lyme is a thief that robs people of their functioning and the normal everyday activities we take for granted. When I first discovered I had Lyme in 2011, my grief emerged from a place of fear of the unknown--a lonely voice in the wilderness crying out to God. My groans were desperate pleas for healing. Over time, I began to cope with my grief and find joy despite the daily struggles. I adapted to the "new normal" of daily living with impairments. This has all changed with my Lyme relapse. I now discover another dynamic of grief in realizing how much I had previously gained back from my first encounter with Lyme and am losing all over again. This grief is intermingled with acceptance of my situation yet hurting for my children and their loss of a healthy mom. As my oldest son cries on my shoulder because I am too weak to make it to his baseball games, I see his young heart battling with worry and my own heart weeps for his sorrow. I know I must face the thief head on and process through my grief. The thief comes to kill and to destroy, but the thief loses because there is something greater and better in store for us.
A Disease does not Define Me
Chronic disease seems to be overtaking my life with weakness, pain, vertigo, and sensory issues that consume everyday activities. It is always there in the background, and it wants to define me. If I'm not careful, I can allow it to do just that. Instead, I choose to focus on God and His beauty in my life. I search for gratitude, and I refuse to be defined by a disease or a condition. Some days I don't want to be thankful but I keep pressing forward in my faith and trust God's plan for my pain. Instead of living by my impairment, I live for the grace of God who meets me in each momentary struggle.
Not Flesh and Blood
For the weapons of our warfare are not of flesh but have the divine power to destroy strongholds." 2 Corinthians 10:4
The battle is real, and the battle is hard. It is not a battle of flesh and blood but a battle of the mind. As my strength weakens, the thought of praying and reading my Bible seems daunting. Some dear sisters from church pick me up to take me to an oasis of peace for the day. They feed me with food, love, and prayer. I tell them that I can feel the enemy pressing against me yet I don't have the strength to fight back. They remind me of just three words to pray when I feel overtaken, "Jesus help me." I know that God will intercede for me when I can't do it on my own. I don't need elaborate prayers or a Bible study to discover God's love. I just need God himself. He is my healer, and I am His child. He lifts me up and carries me through the mire. Together, we get through it.
In the Garden
The garden is my refuge of hope and healing. My family understands my need for restorative time, and they help me outside to our backyard retreat. I bask in the sun and the comfort of God, slowly gaining my strength back. I spend a little time each day nourishing my plants and pulling weeds, reflecting on how God is doing the same thing for me--pulling the weeds of busyness, worry, and stress out of my life. He takes the garbage out and replaces it with Himself. In the garden, I am nourished by God's grace. I feel loved and whole as I embark the path of recovery in His presence. After six weeks of struggles in the "good fight", I have finally made it back to my physical baseline prior to the Lyme relapse and I thank God for His healing power in my life.
SPIRITUAL BLESSINGS FROM MY JOURNEY
"But we have these treasures in jars of clay, to show the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." 2 Corinthians 4:7
When I stop to think about it, I have been blessed in numerous ways through this journey. I have been blessed with a thorough and compassionate primary physician as well as other incredible practitioners who have been very committed to helping me find health and healing. God has also blessed me with a wonderful support network of family and friends who continue to stand by me. I also am thankful for the people I have met in the Lyme community who have also joined the "good fight." I pray for them and their opportunity to find faith, hope, and blessings in the battle as well as complete healing. I believe that pain, weakness, sorrow, and grief are just momentary afflictions that can't compare to the future glory to come. Ultimately, God wins. I read the book and I know how it ends so I really do not need to fear the future. God has His hold on me, and He won't let me go. I continue with the "good fight" knowing that the future reward will be worth it!
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7
RESOURCES
The information in this article is based on my personal experience with Lyme as well as discussions and interviews with others who have battled the disease. For more information about Lyme and my experiences with the disease, you can read other blog articles I have written.
http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2012/12/chronic-lyme-disease.html
http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2012/11/enduring-winter-my-battle-with-lyme.html
http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-suffering.html
http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-suffering-2.html
http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-hope-nancys.html
http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-youth.html
http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2015/02/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-battle.html
